Losing Sight of Shore

not exactly "round trip"

2012-01-11T17:30:00.002-05:00

926 days from the start date to the end date, end date included

Or 2 years, 6 months, 12 days including the end date

Alternative time units

926 days can be converted to one of these units:

80,006,400 seconds
1,333,440 minutes
22,224 hours
132 weeks (rounded down)

non sequitur

2011-12-19T21:08:00.001-05:00

HVTN VW Club, a photo by foto fledgling on Flickr.

this was my life five years ago. SO MUCH has happened since this photo was taken.

Same ~ different

still drive a VW ~ just not a bug

still work in research ~ different area of study

still married ~ but more of a team

still a mom ~ and well... still a mom

I had no idea where I was going ~ but now I know right where I am.

these are the moments...

2011-11-25T13:09:00.001-05:00

from October to January there are a LOT of celebrations. It starts with the huz's birthday, occasionally there is an Autumnal wedding, other people's fall birthdays, and then the usual holidays: Halloween, and Thanksgiving. December has even more birthdays, and then we tumble into the deep winter holidays: Solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, New Years. Finally January rolls around with the Epiphany, and the Capricorn birthdays including my own. Sometimes in all that there are simple little unexpected gatherings, like a lunch mid week with a few friends...

a birthday toast

Thanksgiving

impromptu lunch

lighting a winter night

This is the third season we've been in Pittsburgh. Each year a little different, and a little same. Each celebration another memory shared.

rumble....

2011-11-18T20:50:00.001-05:00

When I worked in Pioneer Square we actually mistook the earthquake for a large rumbling truck going south on the viaduct (which is in the process of coming down).

Now I always think of that sound when I think I hear thunder; but then remember that they are FIREWORK CRAZY here! and I can't quite figure out where it is coming from. It echos off the river banks and valleys.

when it rains....

2011-11-16T13:26:00.001-05:00

...well yes, sometimes it pours. Either way I am not fond of using an umbrella / bumbershoot / brolly (whatever you want to call it). I prefer my rain slicker / jacket / poncho (whatever you want to call it).

Because my rain slicker keeps me dry and doesn't poke you in the eye.

Because my rain slicker keeps me dry and doesn't need to be adjusted to let you go by.

Because my rain slicker repels the rain and doesn't require a hallway drain.

Because umbrellas in abundance hog the sidewalk/crosswalk and are a nuisance.

Obviously this is not a practice I've adapted, this is one area of life I will award the NW a point.

walking the walk or holding the pose as my yoga teacher might say

2011-11-07T21:13:00.000-05:00

I had started writing my last post about 1/2 way in to the challenge, but had been suggesting that the commitment part of it really was the problem prior to even signing up. Well lo and behold after posting and than discussing said post with friends I realized two other "excuses" I tend to use when taking on any sort of commitment.

marking my final class!

The first is self-discipline. I came of age during the height of slacker-dom; and admittedly I revel in doing nothing. When I do do something I don't want to do it because I have to do it, I want to do it because I want to do it. And doing the challenge (even though I wanted to do it) was really someone/something else saying, "You've signed up to do it, so you really must do it." Same with school - yes I want to go to school for me, but at the same time I will have paid monies and will have requirements put on me by an external source and that is what stops me from signing up. Can you also see that maybe I have a slight aversion to being told what to do, even by myself?!?!

First Day of the Challenge / Last Day of the challenge

with my friend, Maria G-Yoga Face!

The second thing, (ok, I guess the aversion to authority might be #2) is camaraderie. Despite being an only child I like to "do stuff" with other people (except for hanging out by myself, which I also like to do a lot). What I really enjoyed, and hadn't necessarily expected (despite signing up because my friend said I should) about the challenge was the connections I was making with other challengers, I even had some early morning car pools going. It just helped to know you weren't at it alone in feeling like "ugh, I barely pulled myself out of bed, but here I am". Even a few of the teachers were doing the challenge, so you felt like they had compassion for your struggles. I even met fellow a fellow blogger, who blogged about the challenge, and had another friend write about her take on it. So we were in it together.

My friend Sara (who contributed to the YH newsletter) & I,

photo taken by my new friend Kate, aka Yinzperation.

At the end of my last post I asked these questions:

Am I looking forward to the whole thing being over with? Does it mean I have rid myself of my phobia?

I really am glad it is over. Although after taking a break for a few days I definitely missed being in the studio at 6:15 AM with my fellow challengers, so I was super happy to see a few of them there when I arrived four days after it was over.
I am still averse to commitment and discipline of any kind, but I think I am less averse.
SOOOO... what where does this leave me?
I CAN do something when I put my mind to it, I CAN have self discipline; and I really like my friends to be doing stuff that requires self discipline with me.
Will I do the 29 day challenge in February 2012? I don't know yet, but I was chatting with a friend, and she said she is interested. So I may get talked into proving once again what I am capable of. We'll see.

We were ready, we were set, 22 of us were fully committed.

the challenge of commitment

2011-10-20T12:17:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I posted... mostly because there hasn't been much worth posting about, and then for the month of October I've taken on some projects that are all consuming.

I signed up to do a 30 day Yoga Challenge at my one and only studio. I had known about the challenge for some time and waited until the very last second before agreeing to do it. My main issue - committing.

When people think commitment-phobe it typically relates to relationships, but honest to gawd it applies to so many things for me. If I can't move to a new house, I rearrange. I flip flop on dinner choices. I've been known to change clothes more then once in a day. The school issue remains because it means committing resources (time, money, my self). I even tried to hold off getting married after getting engaged, but the fiance/now huz told me I might as well give back the ring. The one thing I haven't had a choice about committing to is parenting , and boy have I commited to that. Poor kid might say she needs to be committed because I was so hard core into it.

So here I am 20 days in to this challenge of commitment and I am proud to say I am on task. I've cheated a bit by skipping Fridays and doubling up on Saturdays, but still I've essentially done yoga for 20 days straight. Am I looking forward to the whole thing being over with? You better believe it. Does it mean I have rid myself of my phobia? No, not really; but gosh durn it if it doesn't explain a lot about choices I've made in the past and might even make me think harder about choices I make in the future.

remembering...

2011-09-11T17:20:00.001-04:00

10 years and still raw, a photo by foto fledgling on Flickr.

looking over at my child, who was eating breakfast, while simultaneously watching the Today Show and seeing the second plane hit on live television.
calling my dear co-worker Christy, and being the one to tell her.
riding the bus home. from a downtown high rise.
at the end of the day Michael verbalizing what I had been thinking all day... it could have been our daughter on that plane. She had left Boston on a trans-continental American Airlines flight just 10 days early. alone.
the days afterwards not knowing what was next

We lived in Seattle, on the other coast... it seemed so far away... today we only live an hour 1/2 away from where the fourth plane crashed into a Pennsylvania field. Our lives are the same in some ways and different in others.

There has been war in the world longer during my child's life than not.

I asked her what she remembers from that day, and she said, "not much". I am grateful for the innocence she will always have; because I will never forget.

like a flash in the pan

2011-08-17T15:32:00.000-04:00

Summertime is nearing it's end. All in all I would have to say the Summer of 2011 was purdy durn fantastic.

Hung out with friends I made last summer
Made new friends and hung out with them
Discovered the Highland Park Pool

Ate grilled peaches, & some other fancy things my bro-in-law whipped up

Went to a movie in the park

Enjoyed Porch Time (a lovely reminder of my youthful summers in the south)
Hosted family friends, and robins

five of 'em squished in there

last baby out, mom & pop were keeping an eye on him

Went to a baseball game

volunteered here, and there,
and of course enjoyed an occasional Pittsburgh classic - Rita's Ice

But now... now I think that I am mostly ready for fall and all the fun that comes with that.

same but diff'rnt

2011-08-01T09:12:00.000-04:00

I recently started a new job; but it's back in the same building on the same floor as the very first job I had here in Pittsburgh. In a way it feels like the last year, professionally, almost didn't exist; which is nice, because the last year, professionally, was not easy.

Looking forward to this "fresh" start and seeing where it goes.

Recap w/ LOTS of links

2011-07-12T13:15:00.000-04:00

So... we are officially no longer new to Pittsburgh, at least I don't think so. We've now lived here for a full two years. The second year was a LOT different then the first year a few reasons why:

The biggest change is we moved into the city vs. being in a suburb. This was the biggest and best thing that changed. I felt like our lives in Pittsburgh really began with this move, since we were actually living in a city neighborhood: close to our friends, our favorite places to shop, having better commutes, easier bus access.... it gave all of us an opportunity to more readily explore Pittsburgh as a whole.
We were both employed steadily by the same employer during the second year. Which was nice; we like routine and this certainly provided some.
The kid and I took up yoga - which is amazing, and does wonders for our physical and mental well beings.
Socialized more (especially the kid, I feel like we barely see her on the weekends anymore)
We had more people visit us then the year before, but folks are welcome to break that record again this year.

One big thing for me was that I was able to do some traveling, which made me very happy. Although I am becoming a bit of a homebody, I do love to get up and go sometimes. So it was nice to be able to take some quick trips on this side of the Mississippi: My mom came down and we drove east to visit her friend in the quaint town of Bethlehem, PA (which also meant I was able to experience the QuakerTown Flea Market). I took a sketchy bus and met up with a Seattle friend in NY for two very full days of site seeing. Then this spring I took the train to Chicago for a short, but fun weekend to visit a friend from Pittsburgh who was up there. As far as big trips go I was also able to head west (although sadly not the NW), thanks to my job, and visit Colorado, where I grew up, and San Diego .

Since I couldn't imagine what this past year would be like, when I was thinking about our first year in Western PA... I won't try and imagine what our third year will be like. I am pretty sure though that life is going to be good, and I still won't be regretting our move.

moving right along...

2011-07-07T15:19:00.000-04:00

I started this blog to capture my experience of moving back to my husband's homeland... but I could have been writing about moves my whole life. On average I've moved every 18 months of my 37 years of life! Most of which were just cross town moves, but there was a quick succession of out of state moves: CO - OR - CA - WA - ME - an 11 month stop over back in CO - and then back to WA for 14 years until we packed up our lives and begin the journey documented here.

I spend a lot of time talking about moving here when I meet new people... how one ends up in Pittsburgh is always an ice breaker conversation... other then those who never left, there are those who are boomerang Pittsburghers, those who came here for school and never left, those who came for a job, or a spouse... Pittsburgh isn't exactly a destination you just decide to move to and start a new life, although it should be.

But this post is not actually about all my moving - it's about other people and their moving. Because we've now been here long enough that we know people who lived here before us and are moving on; and we've met people who have recently moved to the city after us.

I will say that I can appreciate how my friends and coworkers in Seattle may have felt when I was preparing to move far far away. There really is only one person I was particularly close to in Seattle who moved away while we lived there, and that was also VERY early on in our time there. It is surreal to me that I have lived here long enough to get close enough to people and be sad that they are leaving. Although I will probably be able to see some of them in a few months (they will only be a MegaBus ride away); others are making a transcontinental move and I just don't know when I will be able to see them.

Then there are the people who have just moved here from away. Watching them transition and remembering what it felt like when I first got here I feel some sense of responsibility to share information about good grocery stores, mass transit, fun events. I am pleased that I actually have information to pass along... it reinforces that I am truly home here. It is also nice to be reminded how far I've come since first arriving in Western PA. I don't think I could have imagined then how grounded and happy I would be 2 years from when we first arrived.

"wrap it up"

2011-06-29T21:48:00.001-04:00

tomorrow, (maybe today, possibly yesterday or weeks gone by when you read this), as I type this... will be my last day in my most current professional post. I would say, for reasons not necessary here, I am not hiding my pleasure at this end point in time. There are few sad things about this, but everything that was/is good will be available to me after Thursday, June 30, 2011.

I have a vague idea of what will happen, despite the particulars being unclear at this exact moment. I am not worried. Having been in Pittsburgh for two years now, I feel much more capable of coping with change, thanks in part to developing a network and support system.

It may be summer, but the sun is setting on the game I've had to play for the last 11 months... and I am looking forward to whatever happens next; starting sometime after tomorrow at 5:00 PM (maybe today, possibly yesterday or weeks gone by when you read this)...

driving away instead of sailing away!!!

2011-06-23T15:52:00.000-04:00

not the one sailing away this time...

2011-06-09T14:10:00.000-04:00

a week from tomorrow my beloved child will turn 16.

I've stated many times that I was so looking forward to her growing older, and that I anxiously awaited the day she turned 21 and I could saddle up to the bar and have a drink with her and chat about all the mysteries of life. and here I am bleeding out my eye balls at the site of her growing up and away from me. WTF?

Some of you reading this you might recall the who that was me at 16 - tempestuous, dazed, confused, narcissistic, stubborn, caged, wild, weary, fierce, frightened... none of which my daughter is - who instead is calm, collected, knowing, strong, restrained, consistent, compassionate, sacrificing, fearless....

I now know that at 16 I could not fathom being worthy of having a person such as she love me unconditionally; and just as I realize this she is near to the end of being mine (all mine). She is moving on, as she should, into falling in love with the world at large and with other people and I must share her with all that is out of my control.

My darling daughter, I will remain steadfast on shore and watch as you go off to sail the seas of your own life; and I will hope that the light you lit oh those many years ago will shine bright enough so that you can find your way during a storm to safe harbor. xo

service providers

2011-06-06T14:31:00.000-04:00

I think for the average person when you live somewhere long enough you inevitably end up going to the same place/person for certain services: IE. hair styling, facials/waxing, mani/pedis...

...and being that I am a Capricorn I am pretty stubborn about change. Not to mention the fact that I had the same hair stylist for 9+ years, cosmetologist for at least 4 years and nail salon for 10. So this has been one of the most negative aspects about moving for me.

This on top of the fact that I am already very reluctant to spend money on these types of services, and I am very particular about the results.I have a history of going an entire year without getting my hair cut (not even a trim)!!! I don't do a lot to my hair in terms of torturing it with product, heat, or other damaging actions, nor do I wash it every day - so despite limited care it is very healthy.

the last time I cut it off for Locks of Love

Thankfully the person who cut my hair in Seattle was very understanding and despite my lack of visits never judged me (that I know of) and always did a superb job. I never had a single complaint. I fell into her chair accidentally (after the front desk had a scheduling mishap with another stylist, she squeezed me in and took care of me as if it had been planned all along). Once there I proceeded to follow her to two other salons, and would have even driven out to her new salon (outside city limits). For a while I contemplated on waiting to get my haircut until I made it back to the NW, but recently conceded and got the first TERRIBLE haircut I've had since I was in middle school.

Not only was the cut terrible but the experience sucked, the hair dresser was rough, yanked my head around and seemed to care less whether I ever came back or not. I called the salon and am going back to have another stylist "fix it".. gawd I hope it works. Otherwise I might just have to revisit this look and start all over!

3 hours ahead vs. 3 hours behind

2011-05-10T10:07:00.001-04:00

I remember when I still lived in Seattle I always knew my mom would be awake by the time I was up... so if I got up early I could call someone.

I remember when I still lived in Seattle and I worked at companies that had offices on the East Coast and if you needed something you had better get to it before 2:00 PM.

Now there are days I can't wait for my Pacific Time people to come on-line in the morning...

Rust Belt Brothers

2011-04-27T11:21:00.001-04:00

what I saw of Cleveland, a photo by foto fledgling on Flickr.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rust_Belt

It's been a long time since I've been to Detroit, as in over 25 years, so I am sure my memories are skewed. and I think at the time is was thriving, not dying. Although I am hoping to make it up there in the next year or so to visit with an Uncle I haven't seen in far too long.

Recently I visited Cleveland and I must say it didn't do a whole lot for me. I was there very briefly though, so maybe that doesn't count.

I am surprised that Chicago is clustered in with these other cities, as it doesn't seem very rusty or depressed to me after my last visit.

I am glad we ended up in Pittsburgh. There is still decay... but there is also so much progress in it's efforts to renew, rejuvenate, and rejoice in what it does have to offer.

I missed this in the NW

2011-04-06T11:49:00.000-04:00

One of the first things that made Lincoln happy about living here:
the sky shows!

planes, trains, and automobiles.... even Greyhound on occasion

2011-03-09T20:24:00.000-05:00

I love to travel... and I have traveled every which way there is since as long as I can remember.

I started flying solo at a very young age (pre-K), and have always found a certain freedom to being up in the air away from it all. Sometimes just wishing we never had to touch down. Even today with all the hassles involved I still find myself mostly blissed out when the plane is taking off.

Sharing a love of flight with my girlie

Then of course there is the good ol' road trip, and by a road trip I mean at least through three states and overnight; not driving straight through to one's destination, but stopping every so often to photograph America (including the world's largest RubberBand Ball)... Everyone should experience at least one; although with gas prices going the way they are this might be a past time left in the past more and more.

the lure of the black top

I even took a Greyhound from CA to the deep south with my grandmother as a preteen (wish I had pictures from this). I don't know that I would recommend this, but traveling by bus is sometimes a very cheap and easy alternative. I'm thrilled that MegaBus has recently come to Pittsburgh. A fabulously cheap method of travel.

But I think more then anything I LOVE traveling by train, not sure what exactly it is that enthralls me - the history/idea of train travel, the lulling sounds, watching the landscape go by, but when I've had the chance to do it (you have to have more time on your hands) I've jumped on board like a "hobo in Jersey". So next week I am taking the train to Chicago to visit a friend for a mini-vaca. The trip there will be overnight - so not a whole lotta scenery watching, but that's okay. I am just looking forward to escaping a bit of everyday life, seeing a friend, and riding the rails.

Preparing to travel down the West Coast in a totally absurd getup.

"Capture Life"

2011-02-18T15:46:00.000-05:00

I only posted about my recent debilitating mental problem a week ago... and I only started taking medication to help with that like two days ago (more on that in a minute), but I have to say - things are starting to look up.

Admitting there was a problem both to myself, family, and friends (and my little interwebular community) was a huge load off. Being depressed and then being secretive and carrying that around all by yourself is a huge burden that just seems to make it worse. It certainly helped when I received so many positive and loving messages from aforementioned peeps.

There is always an adjustment period with medication and I'm in the throes of that right now... So far the side effects have been manageable having identified them early on. To top it off for getting a 3 month script... Walgreens threw in some free Vit. D (which brings me to my next lifter-upper)

We've had some sunny days and although I haven't made a huge effort to be outside (it's still fairly chilly); I've had a few chances to hold my face into the sunlight and soak up the warmth. I am looking forward to spring... and all the hope that brings with it.

I am also making an effort to ramp up my exercise regime a bit more. I was thrilled when I was able to walk with my walking partner... it's been months (weather, holidays, etc.) since we've gotten to walk. She surprised me with a little gifty before we walked. It was very poignant and is an excellent reminder that I think I might use as my motto in the coming days.

it wouldn't be the first time...

2011-02-13T17:35:00.001-05:00

33/365: into the deep
Originally uploaded by foto fledgling

before I go further in this post it's worth stating: LIFE IS GOOD.

Although I may get frustrated because the huz won't put away the dishes on occasion, my marriage is strong and really I have nothing to complain about. He loves me, he loves our daughter, he hasn't nor do I think he would stray, he cooks dinner for us nearly every night, and he works hard to help keep a roof over our head. And despite my teenager's sometimes surlyness, sometimes messy-ness, and sometimes lack of listening, again I really have nothing to complain about. I think we have a pretty good relationship; we still laugh together A LOT, every now and then she hugs me without me prompting, and we can snuggle and watch 10 episodes of LOST in a row.

My job isn't my dream job, and it has had a lot of challenges but it's gotten better then it was several months ago and I know I am really lucky just to be employed. I still have no regrets about Pittsburgh, and I am really blessed to have found a great support system here.

Having said all that... depression has reared it's ugly head. For me it's genetic. Usually there have been external circumstances that have caused it to surface... the end of a relationship, postpartum, a car accident, whatever.... This time though it's all me, it's all internal; every self doubt I've ever had has managed to find a voice and is shouting inside my head. I KNOW I've made mistakes, I KNOW I am only human, and I even KNOW that I am loved.

I'm putting this out there not for sympathy, not for advice, and not for shock value but because I don't want to hide it. Depression and other mental health diseases are still very taboo in our society and often the pictures they show are not of normal every day people but monsters who end up taking theirs or someone else's life (NOTE: I am NOT that depressed, and am NOT having suicidal thoughts). Too often mental health services are cut because there just isn't funding and then those who are in desperate need can't get the help they need. I am lucky enough to have health insurance and do plan on utilizing it as part of my get better plan.

I KNOW this too will pass. That I will move forward, that I will be OK, that eventually the doubts will quiet down and once again it will be easier to get out of bed in the morning, that I will have courage to tackle things I previously feared, that I won't question my past because I will only be looking to the future. I know this is true.

Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for not bombarding me with your ideas on how I can be fixed. Thank you for your understanding and patience while I go through this process.

Two years ago living in enemy territory vs. this year living in the Homeland

2011-02-08T20:05:00.001-05:00

31/365: I'm a fan of having Super Bowl Parties
Originally uploaded by foto fledgling

We lived in Seattle when the Steelers were last in the Super Bowl (and since defeating the Seahawks in their first Super Bowl, there aren't a lot of Pittsburgh fans in the Emerald City); I even had one friend hope that if they lost we would take that as a sign not to move (except they won, and we would have moved even if they'd lost).

In Seattle we stayed home and watched, a quiet Sunday afternoon. Every now and then the kid would pop in, but otherwise nary a party really.

Living in the Burgh with our absurdly large tv and cozy home we hosted a few friends, and a few of their friends... and had ourselves quite the little party.

The game, the beer, the food (traditional Kilbasi and Kraut), the kids in miniature jerseys, the black and gold popcorn in the souvenir tin, the Terrible Towels, Black and Gold every which way, a Steel Tahn Flag... Sure the game was a loss, but fun times with friends and memories were made and that's the best part for me.

Snow Hound

2011-02-03T21:08:00.000-05:00

Poppy loves the yard, and loves snow... and the combo of snow in the yard... to die for. On the weekends when it snows she stays out there for hours.

She spends a lot time in this spot, she can see to the street and sniff at the fence.

Often getting her to come inside involves a little chase around the yard, along her routes.

I heart street art

2011-01-12T11:34:00.001-05:00

not the first bald man I saw but a bald man nonetheless

Anyone who knows me well knows I love street art. I think I always grooved on it, but at some point I became sort of obsessed with it. The catalyst for that obsession was "Bald Man". Once upon a time when we lived in Interbay (a neighborhood of Seattle) we would drive through this one intersection almost every day and every single time our daughter would proclaim "The Bald Man is watching us." Finally we asked what she was talking about, and she pointed out this piece of art hanging high on a telephone pole of exactly that... a Bald Man... and on his big bald head it said, "Bald Man is watching you". After that I started seeing him everywhere. Then I started seeing pieces by other artists. It was one of the things at the top of my "I'm really going to miss that about Seattle" list... and I didn't know what I would find here in the 'Burgh.

Just some of what you might find in Seattle

Let me just say nothing could have squashed my excitement when I was driving down a hill and around a bend and came "face to face" with one of my most favorite artists from Seattle - Chicken Kid.

two Chix kids in Seattle, and two in Pittsburgh

At that point I was obsessed with finding more of him around town, and I am thrilled to say I have. BUT I have also found local artists to keep an eye out for; although I was deeply saddened to hear one of them had passed away last summer. Knowing what is out there is the last of his stuff, I know I won't capture it all, but when I do I cherish it.

R.I.P. Kids

L.G.

On a side note I have created a bit of an homage to my Seattle street artist friends, which started with an amazing going away present from my Seattle co-workers a giant Bald Man piece, who looks over us as we "compute" in the home office.

a "collage" I made with picture of a starhead boy piece (thanks E)
and a little old man who fell off a sign when I took his picture, so I took him home

OvO... one of my FAVORITES

the gift of Bald Man

tick...

2011-01-07T22:46:00.001-05:00

From and including: Tuesday, January 8, 1974 at 9:26:00 AM
To, but not including : Saturday, January 8, 2011 at 9:26:00 AM

The duration is 13,514 days, 0 hours, 0 minutes and 0 seconds

Or 37 years excluding the end date

Note: This calculator does not take time zones, daylight saving time or leap seconds into account.

Alternative time units

13,514 days, 0 hours, 0 minutes and 0 seconds can be converted to one of these units:

1,167,609,600 seconds
19,460,160 minutes
324,336 hours
1930 weeks (rounded down)

pure goodness

2011-01-03T16:56:00.000-05:00

Recently I received an email from a gal, who works at a local independent radio station, she was letting me know she used a photograph I posted of a local yoga studio for their rotation (#4).

I first met the owner of said yoga studio at a volunteer event for said radio station about three months into living here in Pittsburgh.

I know this for sure: the choice to volunteer at the radio station absolutely contributed to the success of me living in Pittsburgh; because the owner of the yoga studio has absolutely contributed to my ability to have a supportive, loving, magical community here in Pittsburgh.

I'm excited to discover what other amazing connections are waiting to be made in 2011~

love in the hood

2010-12-23T11:13:00.001-05:00

love in the hood
Originally uploaded by foto fledgling

At the beginning of both November and December I was away on business for what seemed like a significant amount of time away. Particularly in November when I was in Colorado for nearly 10 days. At one point in my life I called it home... but hadn't done so for many years: as I feel more like I "grew up" in Seattle and had come to call that home. Towards the end of my visit I was really missing what has become home now - Pittsburgh, PA and my family and friends here.

Talking with my dad last night about home, and what that means to each of us... I realized I really do feel so at home in Pittsburgh. I'm not sure what that's about, but it is true. I've spoken on this blog before about how this place reminds me of various aspects of my life and maybe that's why it's been so easy for me to settle in here.

Regardless, after having gone away during such a hectic time of year... I am so glad I get to come home to here!

returning to the sea

2010-12-05T19:36:00.001-05:00

It's been awhile since I've seen the Pacific. It was a magical site. I've missed the cycle of the tides.

no traditions yet

2010-11-25T22:50:00.000-05:00

Last year we didn't leave our house, guests and the food came to us. This year we were the guests at other people's house and the food was already there.

Living Life in the city

2010-11-08T08:11:00.000-05:00

It has been far too long since I blogged, but I have a good excuse... we moved into Pittsburgh proper and have been busy ever since. This is what I imagined our life would be like when we moved to Pittsburgh, and it is absolutely wonderful. It's a cool little neighborhood on the east side with lots of old brick houses, and tons of trees.

After some hiccups getting the kid into a new school, she is settling in quite nicely. From what I can tell the kids mostly are interested in learning and the teachers spend less time yelling and breaking up fights and more time teaching. She's made some friends, and the best part is she gets a bus pass for the Pittsburgh Public Transit system, which means she also has some self mobility on the weekends.

The kid and I have started doing yoga at a friend's local yoga studio and loving it. There are sidewalks for walking; although the dog does prefer her grassy yard to walking, but sometimes we manage to drag her out.

A few of my friends are within a mile and it's been nice to spend more time being social (I became a bit of a recluse living all the way out in the woods).

The husband LOVES his garage and his commute and since "his girls" are both much happier being in the city it just makes his life easier.

Our landlord left behind a garden, and we enjoyed the bounty for the remainder of the season.

I just can't say enough good stuff about it. Oh yeah... and we have an actual guest room, so feel free to come visit, and hang with us on our fabulous porch.

a bit bumpy

2010-09-20T21:20:00.001-04:00

bumpy august
Originally uploaded by foto fledgling

August was not exactly smooth, September has certainly been less bumpy... so looking forward to October.

maybe more people will come visit me now!

2010-08-24T11:26:00.000-04:00

Nine Underrated US Cities, and Why you should visit them....

check it out, half way down the page.

creepy crawlies

2010-07-31T19:14:00.000-04:00

Some of the bugs around here are just your average every day run of the mill bugs... but it seems to me that more often than not, the bugs are outrageously buggy....

little old grasshopper

every day 8" earthworm

kinda even maybe pretty

no fun walking into the bathroom to find this

just the shell (the bugs that leave these make a very LOUD NOISE for hours)

slippery salamander

eeks!

Dancing screaming itching squealing fevered...

2010-07-23T08:06:00.000-04:00

Feeling hot hot hot!!!

Last summer when we moved here it was actually chilly for a few weeks (60s). While Seattle was having a heat wave (100 degree weather for several days)... I was wearing sweatshirts here. In August of 2009 it started to warm up a bit and we got a little taste of a "normal" Pittsburgh summer, warmish days and high humidity, but nothing that was extraordinarily unbearable. This summer... we've already had one Weather Alert for extreme heat conditions, and this weekend there is another one.

While I typically prefer being warm, I don't know that I am mentally prepared for roasting like a turkey on Thanksgiving.

lifetimes have been lived...

2010-07-05T18:22:00.000-04:00

since this!

A year ago we pulled up to the In-Law's house:

U-Haul et al.
Voluntarily Unemployed (I've since had three jobs and he has had two, the kids even had a few: sewing, and cat sitting)
Homeless (we remedied that quickly, thankfully)
and some (okay, who are we kidding A LOT) of uncertainty

Certainly there are some things I would have had happen differently, but all in all NO REGRETS.

Viewing my life through my lens over the last 12 months, I am happy to see that there was lots of love: we connected with each other as a family, connected with old friends, made new friends, and spent a lot of time hanging out with family (one of the reasons we moved here). Explored a lot: both the city, and the surrounding countryside. Experienced some classic Pittsburgh: a hockey game in the Igloo, Kennywood, the Andy Warhol Museum (which on a tangent: I experienced more art here then I did in the last 5 years I lived in Seattle). And otherwise, despite the uncertainty of it all, managed to make it through our first year in tact and mostly happy.

past present future in less then 2 minutes....

2010-06-30T18:58:00.000-04:00

One of the things we've been meaning to do since we moved here is visit a place called Kennywood. Of course because he had been there when he was a kid, the huz wanted to take both the kid and I; but as teens are wont to do, she went ahead without us. Instead going with her friends on the designated day for her school. So after we shipped her off to visit in Seattle and we went on a day date.

It was nostalgic for him, and fun for me (I heart roller coasters). Unfortunately we were too early to ride the newest one which opened a few days after we went; but it will be nicely broken in by the time we try it out. Can't wait to go back with the kid.... now that I've gotten familiar we can better prepare. The pics are all with my new phone, I was sc'red to take the big kahuna camera, but there is always next time.

Jack Rabbit in action, or what I could see of it...

the second dip of the Phantom's Revenge, which goes under the Thunder Bolt

The Phantom's Revenge, I made Michael ride it twice!

reminders of a childhood spent in the south

2010-06-24T08:16:00.000-04:00

the weight of air
the colorful song birds
the way the grass smells after a blistering hot day, and then a good down pour
the storms
the fireflies (which are not that easy to capture on video, but I tried)

very short and you have to look closely, they are brief little flashes of light...

longer, but right off the bat there is one that flashed right before me...

remaining vestige of Seattle life

2010-06-20T17:31:00.000-04:00

I haven't changed my cell phone number yet (it's nearly been a year since we arrived). I've had plenty of opportunity, but I'm reluctant to let it go. I'm sure if I dug deep I could determine the cause of this hesitation; but the basic fact is: in a toddler tantrum kind of way... "I don' wanna!"

It's driving the hubby mad. I keep telling him, "You can change your number, I DON'T CARE, but I'm not ready to change mine." He hasn't changed his either. He's the one with the 412 tattoo, not me.

I have wondered if cell phones were as prolific then as they are now, would I have hung on to my Colorado area code when I moved around way back when I was moving around a lot? I think it's interesting that both Michael and I grew up in certain area codes, his was 412, mine was 303 (but neither of those cover the areas where we grew up in any longer, they have since incorporated new area codes....)

I even got a new phone (I think I had my Blackberry the longest I've ever had any phone) recently, and yet it still has my good ol' 206 digits! Maybe when it's been two years!

home

2010-06-11T19:06:00.000-04:00

We were very fortunate to get to visit one of the most famous American homes,
"Fallingwater" .
It was AAA-maZing!!!

Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one;
stronger than magician ever spoke,
or spirit ever answered to,
in the strongest conjuration.
Charles Dickens

more validation, justification, whatever you want to call it...

2010-06-09T07:55:00.000-04:00

"People know that Pittsburgh is a really great place for families because of safety, schools and the arts." says Wendy Hermann, director of student services for master's programs at Carnegie Mellon University. "I see students wanting that whether they're married or not. They see staying in Pittsburgh as way to say that's the kind of lifestyle they're looking forward to."

America's Best Places to Raise a Family

Seattle Love for Pittsburgh...

2010-06-06T08:05:00.000-04:00

I was doing my usual clicking around on the interwebulars this morning and came across a blog from one of the Seattle weeklies and came across a bit about a Pittsburgh food place. I am super excited now, because my dear friend Monica, who is a foodie, will be visiting me at the end of July. I think we should check this out:

Seattle Weekly Voracious

"But really, it's the small, strange details that really give a place (and a scene) character. And now, Pittsburgh has this: Conflict Kitchen, a restaurant (well, a hole-in-the-wall, really--a literal hole in a wall) that serves, on a rotating basis, only foods from places where the U.S. is currently having a war. Or maybe threatening to have a war, considering that it opened and is going through its first iteration as an Iranian restaurant and, unless I missed something on CNN this morning, I don't believe we are currently in a shooting war with Iran.

Kubideh Kitchen

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes....

2010-06-01T17:09:00.000-04:00

Strange fascination fascinating me

Ah, changes are taking the pace I'm going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

ch-ch-changes

Oh, look out, you rock and rollers

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

ch-ch-changes

Pretty soon now, you're gonna get older

Time may change me, but I can't trace time

I said that time may change me, but I can't trace time

David Bowie

Obviously there has been a tremendous amount of change in our lives over the past year; and this past weekend was no exception.

As I was telling the story to a friend of ours how I had decided to name my daughter (in her presence), I mentioned one of the other names I had considered… and without hesitation she said something like, “I really like that name, can I change my name?”; and similarly without hesitation I said, "If you're really serious and want to change your name then sure I suppose you can change your name."

Just as I understood that our choice to uproot our lives and relocate with no job prospects, no housing, and (if I were being honest) no real sense of what it meant to do what it was we were doing would be LOADED with implications, FRAUGHT with challenges, and otherwise not something to be taken lightly, this choice too will carry its own burdens.

I can only hope that just as our true friends loved and encouraged us through this process so will the people in her life. Already there are those who are fighting it, turning heads and whispering doubt, but more importantly there are those who are lifting her up, loving her no less (maybe more) and saying, “What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

For the last 14 years I have been blessed to know you as my daughter and for the next 14 and beyond I will be just as proud to know you as Lincoln Huntyr Griffin.

Love me some road trip...

2010-05-30T17:08:00.001-04:00

sometimes it sneaks up on me

2010-05-24T20:52:00.000-04:00

how much I miss my life and friends in Seattle.

leaving for the first time

2010-05-03T15:02:00.000-04:00

Today I am leaving Pittsburgh for the first time since we moved here. This will be strange for me on many levels:

The last time I flew into and out of the Pittsburgh airport I did not yet reside here.
I normally travel by plane at least twice a year, but I haven't traveled at all in the past year (the last time I flew was last May) except to move here (which I don't really consider traveling) and to run up to Maine to pick HFG up.
It will be strange to fly back home from where I am going, and not be flying back to Seattle, but instead flying back to the 'Burgh.

This too will eventually feel normal, I am sure.

childhood is calling...

2010-04-29T21:04:00.000-04:00

There are several places I like to go when I visit my home town. I am sure any one reading this has places in the souls of their childhoods that to them are magical and when you think of them your toes tingle and your heart smiles.

Of course, the huz has his, and it has become our defacto outdoors destination since we've been here. I've been there a few times and I can definitely see the allure it holds; I can only imagine what it must have been like for a boy and his friends to essentially have this place as their back yard.

I will admit though, that I am looking forward to exploring other places: Falling Water, one of Frank Lloyd Wright's masterpieces. We have plans to visit when one of my favorite Seattle people comes to town (all around fun times); there is at least one Great Lakes less then a day's drive away... and the Appalachian trail isn't too terribly far either... SUMMER = Outdoors, YAY!

finding roots

2010-04-28T21:40:00.001-04:00

got puck?

2010-04-25T16:59:00.000-04:00

I don't recall when I fell in love with the greatest game on ice; sports were not exactly big in my house growing up, and Colorado didn't have a pro team at the time, but some where along the line I became CRAZY for Gretzky, that little black puck, and the sound of two grown men bashing each other into the boards.

Due to limited hockey viewing access, I boxed up my little winter sport passion and tucked it away. Until... May 13, 2009; I was in DC for my work conference. While out and about one evening I walked past the Verizon Center, where a critical hockey game was going on between the Penguins and the Capitals (it in fact was the deciding game in the Penguins moving on to the final series and winning the Stanley Cup). I came back to my hotel room and called Michael.

me: "Um... Pittsburgh has a professional hockey team..."
him: "Yeah? [sarcastically] the Penguins, they're owned by Mario Lemieux, Sidney Crosby is their cap't... blah, blah, blah"me: "I guess I wasn't really aware of that. "
him: "Are you really into hockey?"
me: "YES, pretty much the best spectator sport ever"

anyways, you get the idea. I think that had one of us not loved hockey, this past 7 months would have been even more challenging. There are a lot of games, and we are both dedicated watchers. I would even go so far as to call it date night for us. We take our place on the couch, the surround sound is turned up, the reminder is set to FSN Pittsburgh for Hockey Night. To be honest, I would go so far as to say that hockey is probably, if not the #1, at least the top three, common interests we have with the same intensity [maybe because he is a guy, and has just that much more testosterone, he likes it a little more].

So we love hockey, and in Pittsburgh the only kinda hockey there is = Penguins' hockey & and Penguins hockey is some seriously AWESOME hockey. The history of hockey in this town goes back to the late 19th century; that vein runs deep. It is a story rich with rewards and wrought with regrets, ups and downs, fall behinds and come backs... a story I can certainly relate to. A story that is now interwoven with my story.

Though one thing that might not be in Pittsburgh much longer is the Igloo, the home of the Penguins for the last 40 some odd years. (Once upon a time it opened up, I can only imagine how heavenly that would have been... I digress). I didn't really imagine that we might get to see a game in the Igloo, since this was the last season the Penguins would be playing there... but after some serious persistence and sacrifice, I convinced a coworker to sell me two tickets for one of the last home games.... needless to say, that was at the top of the best moments we've had since moving to Pittsburgh, hands down. I actually giggled for the first 1/2 hour we were there. I will even go so far as to say it was up there with seeing Madonna at the Pepsi Center in Denver (and those of you who know me, know how big a deal that is). Some of the reasons for the amazing-ness of it all:

We had fantastic seats (despite the height we were at) right behind the visiting team's goal.
The game ended in a shoot out, more bang for your buck.
Michael and I experienced a timeless Pittsburgh "thing" together.
The team we were watching are at the top of their game and just might pull off the ultimate and keep the cup one more year.

I will be sad to see the season end, but the timing couldn't be more perfect... summer has arrived: there are lots of parks to walk, trails to explore, camping spots to find, BBQs to attend and have, and outside fun... and when it's raining outside, I will always have the photos:

ed-u-macation

2010-04-11T21:28:00.000-04:00

I have several posts churning around up there in my gray matter... but I've been a bit busy, and distracted, and caught up in my own whirl wind of life and what not. Of the more important commitments, school has been tops on the list. I was thrilled when I actually got an A on my mid-term. An A in math! Me... getting an A in math! I strutted my stuff over that one a little bit.

While I am very much looking forward to the end of the class... I will miss some very specific things..

My teacher, Mister O. , he has taught me more then just "Arithmetic Fundamentals".
My table neighbor, Miss. Cunningham (she is solid, I truly LOVE her).
The guard and the janitor postin' up at the door, always with a helpful hand and kind greeting.
I will even miss the hooligans and fooligans (inside and out)
but most of all......

I will miss the LIGHT... that shines in through the shades, that illuminates the hallways of a school, that settles on the desks before the end of day, that emanates from humans sharing knowledge....

lucky am I to share in that tradition.

Happy Birthday to my Blog!!!

2010-03-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

A year ago I decided to document this journey of uprooting our lives from the Pacific North West and transplanting us in the not quite Mid-Atlantic, not quite mid-West.

I am grateful that I've made the effort to document every aspect from saying goodbye to long time friends, and the life we've known for so long to saying hello to family and making new friends, and creating a life for us here. Time has flown by so quickly and so much has happened. Emotionally it has been such a roller coaster ride: the sadness of leaving friends, to the excitement of making new ones. The fear of leaving a job I love and worrying about finding a new one, to the joy of being offered a dream job at the one place I wanted to work in Pittsburgh. The anxiety of HFG's transition, and how she was going to handle all of it, to the pride and amazement that she has managed to make the Honor Roll not once, but twice; make friends, and also continue to love her parents not hate them for taking her away.

We have 4 months to go until the one year anniversary of being in Pittsburgh, but I don't think our journey will end there. I look forward to writing about it, and sharing it with whomever finds my story on the interwebs; so that the next time I wonder what the heck we have gotten ourselves into I have documentation that everything happens for a reason and usually turns out for the best.

I see a pattern here...

2010-02-26T06:26:00.000-05:00

This was the story my last winter in Seattle:
Snow leaves mess in Seattle, sets stage for deep freeze

This is the story my first winter in Pittsburgh:
Pittsburgh sees record monthly snowfall - and more is on the way.

old habits in a new place

2010-02-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

When we lived in Seattle we would go to various parks throughout the city, usually Sunday afternoons, consistently. I think since we've moved here we've only gone a small number of times.

Today the whole family ventured out... and although the paths were covered in snow, and we ended up mostly walking in the road, it was nice to get out, get some fresh air, and practice something familiar.

digging out...

2010-02-13T22:16:00.000-05:00

After a few weeks of settling into a routine post-holiday chaos I started a new job. Two weeks later I started school and ummm... considering how much change we've adjusted to in the last six months... honestly I was exhausted.

I really love my new job, I can't say enough good things about it. I couldn't even compare it to my last job in any way, because in nearly every way the new job is fabulous and the previous one was not at all. But it is a new job and it has it's learning curve.

And school... although I am not exactly fond of the subject, Arithmetic Fundamentals; I am exceptionally fond of my teacher, Mr. O. Mr O has been teaching since before my mom was born. He doesn't have a gigundo wrinkle down the middle of his forehead, no he calls it "his dimple"... I am grateful for this opportunity and experience, and it is wearing me out.

So here I am adjusting to all of that, and still trying to do all the things I did before, being a mom and a wife, having a dog, grocery shopping, laundry, mail, sleeping... and out of nowhere (and I mean NO WHERE)... Western Pennsylvania and the Mid-Atlantic is WALLOPED by the "4th largest snow storm on record in ALL the years that they have been keeping a record of snow storms. No freaking joke... I went to bed on Friday nite (Feb. 5th) with the little shiny flurries beginning to fall, and woke up the next morning with easily a foot of snow outside my front door, which was after the snow had started to stick. Within the next 48 hours Pittsburgh was under a 36" blanket of snow (in some parts). We lost power sometime late Friday nite, until the crazy eyes on our Wii remote controller charger woke me up around 5:30 Sunday morning. We cooked food on the camping stove, and listened to the Pen's game on the radio, then spent Saturday night downstairs so that we could be in front of the fireplace (always a fantastic feature in any home).

It was fun, sort of. Obviously we were overjoyed to have the electricity back on for at least one of the days we were home, there were chores that needing to be done after all. Unfortunately we were also unable to go anywhere, there would be no plowing our street for a few days. Thanks to the large evergreen tree attempting to mate with some wires and a telephone pole at the wrong end of our cul-de-sac.

HFG who had gone for a sleep-over down the street on Friday nite, finally made her way home on Sunday afternoon (that house had not lost power) to happily find no school on Monday. Ultimately I hadn't needed to contact my manger earlier on Sunday to notify her of my inability to leave my house on Monday, since in an unprecedented move work was closed for three days! The city was in total chaos, obviously we weren't the only ones with power out and snow filled streets in the area.

So although I didn't have school or work... I found it hard to resist the urge to hibernate, unless I was out shoveling out a path for the dog.

Several things I've said to describe the experience of being stranded in your own home during severe winter weather include:

It's like having an avalanche envelop an entire metropolitan area.

A few times I've experienced disorienting snow blindness.

Didn't you just shovel five minutes ago?

Didn't I just shovel five minutes ago?
Oh, is it snowing? I hadn't noticed because it just blends with the rest of the mile high snow piles.

So here we are nearly two weeks into some sort of snow flurry activity (either because it was actually falling from the sky, or the high winds were just blowing it around); and they are predicting measurable snow precipitation for the next week at least.

me + shovel = constant companions.

disconnectedly connected

2010-01-24T09:34:00.000-05:00

Recently my mom sent me an article about undivided attention vs. on-line attention (especially as it pertains to parenting and the younger generations). Shortly thereafter I had some experiences both online and off that were reflective of the points made in the article.

The thing is I will admit to being a bit of a computer junkie, with a focus on being on-line: Flickr, Facebook, Blogging, emailing, news, woot, chatting. Interestingly enough, two of the people I do connect with through the aforementioned mechanisms is my mother (she did email me an article I am blogging about), as well as my daughter (Facebook a little, email, chat some, blogging occasionally). I started to worry about my ability to connect with others and listen to them... and consciously listen...

In the past week on several occasions during my bus commute I was sitting next to someone who by all appearances wouldn't have much of anything in common with me... but in fact after engaging with them I inevitably found something we could both understand: an emotion, a place, a perception. And these commonalities weren't just your average everyday sort of commonalities, but themes that have run deep through out my life. It was fulfilling, and serendipitous to say the least.

Concurrently there have been some instances where someone thought we had a connection and we don't, both on-line and off. These moments were fraught with anxiety.

I think I've processed the uncomfortable moments and made peace with them; but those moments that were good, and powerful... those are the connections I am going to continue to plug into: on-line and off.

six months in....

2010-01-17T18:33:00.001-05:00

that's good, cause I live here now.
Originally uploaded by foto fledgling

I can say there are some things I may have done differently if I had been given the choice; but everything happens for a reason.

I would have gladly gone without the last three months professionaly; but it is what it is and I will acknowledge I learned a thing or two through that experience. Now though, I am going to get back on track and begin the business of doing what I said I wanted to do; working back at the University of Pittsburgh will help out with that.

I would not change where we live, I am still happy with our living quarters. Other than no garage, it's durn near perfect. for now anyways. I am looking forward to spring... I am pretty sure there will be lots of chirping in the trees all around.

HFG continues to do as well if not better then any 14 1/2 yr. old I've ever known; who was ripped from their life and everything they've mostly ever known.

The huz is who he always is... the rock; with mad skillz in the kitchen. Thank heavens for him.

The dog still loves the yard, and is happy as ever.

As much as I am trying to be in the moment, I admit to wondering what the next six months will be like.... and where we will be on the one year anniversary of arriving home.

purpose

2010-01-11T22:47:00.000-05:00

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.” William Shedd

the end of an era...

2009-12-31T05:57:00.001-05:00

11:59 PM, December 31,1999: I can still hear the sounds of the Pacific Ocean washing up on the beach ... I can taste the salt coming in on the breeze, and hear the old cabin creaking under the weight of the stories lived within it's walls...

10 years since:

I've had seven addresses: five of them within 10 miles of each other.... the last one being the longest I've ever lived anywhere ever in my whole entire life and in turn being over 2500+ miles away from the one I have now.
4 jobs: two in Software (it was Seattle after all); 2 health related (-care software, then public-); 2 were less then a year; and the other two went on for several years... each one has left an indelible mark on my life... Some of my nearest and dearest friends came out of three of them. The only thing good about the fourth was I was home for nearly three months of it doing nothing and getting paid absurd amounts of money for doing nothing, the other three I spent traveling internationally from Seattle to London to Vancouver, back and round again a few times.
My daughter has gone from a lil' bean entering Kindergarten to a young woman with self awareness, compassion, and amazing talent. I have loved her, loathed her, needed her, rejected her, lost her, found her and she has survived it all. I hope in the next 10 years I can mostly love her, understand her, be grateful for her, respect her, but most importantly let her go out into the world knowing I helped create the foundation on which she will build her dreams.
a very unlikely tall glass of something warm and smooth (aka my man) has stood by my side through all that and more: losing loved ones too soon; celebrating unions with friends and having them celebrate our union with us; together watched as the the world forever changed on 9/11 and clung to the innocence slipping from our child's life in that moment; did our best to soothe each other's suffering; continued to travel and drop each other off and picked each other up from the airport more times then I can count; road tripped North, South, East, and West more than once or even twice; lost two cars to motor vehicle accidents (IE. NOT fender benders) and have managed to survive them with all limbs intact; adopted our furry faced baby, yes, the dog, and raised our little puppy to be an unmanageable ball of cuteness; we have even come close to walking away, but somehow have ALWAYS found our way back; and at the end of it all we will fall asleep tonight and wake up in a new year and new decade with a love for one another like very few people are lucky enough to know!

I can't imagine what the next 10 years will hold, but I also can't imagine beginning them from any other vantage point... I have the love of my life by my side, I start a new job at the beginning of January, and I become a student of higher learning (for the first time in 17 years I've been in a classroom for my own education) at the end of January. I will look fear in the face and be the best I can be for me, so that my daughter might see that she too can be the best that she can be. And while I may have lost sight of that shore on the West Coast, there are new shores waiting to be discovered...

for all I hope you FEEL joy, HAVE health, and KNOW peace~ tirz

Spending the holidays with family

2009-12-27T15:41:00.000-05:00

My In-Laws, aka. Nana and Pappy.

The youngest of the human children, Bob,

and the youngest of the pet children, Callie.

Two Brothers

Nana and Pappy's furry children: L to R: Sam, Dominique, and "Little" Poppy.

Huntyr, Aunt Cil, and Michael.

Uncle Izzy and I.

(L to R) My Husband's Great Aunt's son-in-law's Mother,

My Husband's Great Aunt Cil, and Gladys (in the blue).

My Mom and Me on Christmas morning.

My mom the baker, and my uncle who is trying

to impress his big sister with all the bread he baked;

also Trudy's youngest daughter and youngest son.

My Uncle's teenagers and My teenager,

I think that makes them second cousins.

These two were born approximatly 6 months apart.

Huntyr and, Max.

Huntyr and Michael have a bonding moment at my Uncle's house.

Pictures with Gramie before she leaves to go back to Maine.

I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort where we overlap. Ani Difranco

2009-12-17T16:43:00.000-05:00

I have come to realize of late... that if Forbes had a list for people whose wealth was measured in sincere friendships I would most certainly be in the top 100. That isn't to say that I have the most friends in the world; but the friends I do have, well.... they are just too amazing for words. How I ever got so lucky I will never know.

silent night

2009-12-12T19:32:00.000-05:00

I'm not quite sure what to do with the quiet. It is sooooo quiet here.

Our neighborhood in Seattle was no New York street scene, but we lived close enough to two fairly busy roads that after awhile you become accustomed to it enough that you need noise to sleep. Me... I also need noise to tune out of my own head. There is no noise here. NONE, zip, nadda. There really isn't even much noise during the day, other then my own dog barking or the kid downstairs sewing, or the occasional Volunteer Fire Department Alarm.

This is a problem for me... I already have problems in my head... over thinking, analyzing, mulling, whatever you want to call it I overdo it. Noise is good, it's distracting. It helps me focus. I was one of those kids who needed to have the radio or tv on to study. I need to tune something out in order to tune in or even just to tune out.

I remember when I got back from Maine after picking HFG up from my mom's. I thought I was going to go insane lying there in bed hearing nothing except the "What if's..." in my head. My mom lives in downtown Portland, Maine; and although the street lights start blinking at 9:00pm on a Friday night as if there is nothing going on... trust me there is more going on there then there is here... because I literally got back here to our house and felt like I was in a black hole. It was/is so DAMN quiet. Camping in the middle of the Northern Cascades is noiser then my cul de sac.

Six months in and I am not used to this... If I get even four hours of sleep and something wakes me up... well forget about it, I am awake. Because... the thoughts in my head are LOUD, the mulling over this and that is like a full sized orchestra and we are no where near intermission...

Pittsburgh Left

2009-11-25T09:38:00.000-05:00

Why am I not surprised there is actually a Wikipedia entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pittsburgh_Left) for this traffic maneuver....

One thing I don't think I will ever get used to is the way people drive around here. And of course ever since my accident, in which someone made a left into oncoming traffic (me) I admit to being more then anxious about this practice.

When the light turns green, you go.
When the light turns red, you stop.
But what do you do when the light turns blue with orange and lavender spots?
Shel Silverstein

2009-11-03T20:29:00.000-05:00

With all the regular life living (working, grocery shopping, driving HFG to the bus stop every school morning) and routines we've created I sometimes forget that we JUST moved 2500 miles across country. Sure I get it that we moved, but it doesn't always hit me that we've just done this... like less then four months ago!

but then... we will be driving over to my husband's aunt's house, or to his friends' in Greensburg... and it hits me like a ton of bricks. It took me a few times before I realized what that was about... until this Halloween when we went Trick or Treating with our friends in their neighborhood. I don't have to pack a suitcase and find someone to watch the dog and check in at the airport and fly on a plane, etc. to get to their place. We just turn on the radio, throw some food in the dog bowl and drive (about the same time/distance to their house as it was from our house in Seattle to the airport) to their house. Then at the end of it, we just drive home, climb in our very own bed, and go to sleep. I don't know how to explain how crazy that is, but to me it is crazy. Honestly, it can take me a few days to recover from that mind blowing craziness.

Here are some lovely fall photos while I freak the BLEEP out....

hopeful

2009-10-24T22:16:00.000-04:00

I recently said to a friend, "I had HFG so young I sort of boxed up my entire teenage experience and put it away." In order for me to be the best mom I could be and let go of the life I wasn't living, that of a normal 22 yr. old, I put away childish things and fully embraced being an adult.

In some ways I was detached from her childhood as I literally went about the business of being a good parent. When she was young I left a lot of the fun and play, magic and imagination to others in our community of family and friends. Now that she is the teenager I'm finding myself to be fully engaged in giving her the best teen years I could have ever wanted. It isn't about living vicariously through her and her life, trust me I have absolutely no desire to suffer those years again... and also I love being an adult (all the power and responsibility that comes with that). For me it is about reflecting upon that box I spoke of previously and realizing that as a mother I can help HFG to have a completely different experience. Sure there will be difficult days with yelling, door slamming and general teenage malaise, but I hope in the end she will take flight out of the nest with self confidence, a sense of accomplishment, and maybe even satisfaction with her teen years. I hope someday when she is older she says to me, "I have such fond memories of my teenage years in Pittsburgh."

It is fantastically terrific that our current home lends it's self to getting off on the right foot... We've hosted two small parties and I am pretty sure both events were fairly successful. Her and her friends had the run of the main floor, plenty of food and drink, and loud music (everyone has an iPod) and while my presence was made known, I mostly stayed out of their way and kept to myself. I love hearing the noise that is them like movie style cafe background chatter. I am beyond thrilled knowing that these kids who are in the throes of becoming young adults are for the moment safe, happy, and carefree in the home that Michael and I have created for our family. I hope that over the next few years our relationship is such that she continues to invite her friends over and feel like where she wants to be is right where she is.

(the result of 8 teens and 8 pumpkins and a carving party, her's would be the XX)

Get 'r done!

2009-10-15T20:13:00.000-04:00

We arrived in pBurgh mid-summer, and here it is already fall and nearly winter... the thought of what we have accomplished in less then four months astounds me... to say we were resourcefully industrious is putting it mildly!

I finally feel like I have more down time to reflect on what we've done and even enjoy it a little. All things considered we have managed to create a cozy little corner in the hills of Western Pennsylvania where we have each other and I think we might even make this all worthwhile...

Our first priority being a place to live: at the very least a roof over us, the kid, the dog , and our sch-TUFF, instead we lucked out and found a home, a happy, fun, safe home. A space with plenty of room for everyone to do their own thing, Poppy even got her fenced-in yard. Nature (including wild turkeys and deer) surrounds us, HFG has a friend just around the corner and over the hill. I would dare say I feel more at home here in this house then I ever did in the unit we inhabited previously for five years! It required one major room(s) rearrangement, and there are still unpacked boxes, but I feel very settled in this place…

Employment also being high on the list… Michael won that race, wasting no time finding one in the first week (he did the same thing when he had first moved to Seattle with us). I languished in unemployment for two months, and then proceeded to have, not one, but two jobs in the next month and ½. Thankfully the one I have currently being the permanent one with benies and PTO; I would have loved for the temp job to have not been so temporary, but as soon as I saw the writing on the wall I made swift work of finding something else. I applied for this one thing on Monday, exchanged correspondence with HR on Tuesday, arrived on-site for an interview on Wednesday and started my first day on Thursday! I have to believe that there was something else at work in that situation, because honestly it was a miracle. All my work history in some way or another has prepared me for this job; I was “one out of 564 resumes”, or so they told me (a few times). Amazing.

The other major thing was getting HFG registered for school… things didn’t go the way we had envisioned them going, but in the end I think they worked out the best they could, maybe even better. I hadn’t known that when I was getting all worked up over the situation. I don’t know if I’ve said it before, but we have really lucked out when it has come to an uprooted teenager “ripped from her friends and the only place she ever remembers living”, and OMG what is going to happen….well… she has managed to make some friends and do some fun things. She’s even survived her first Homecoming Dance, and managed to do well in school. Really, couldn’t have asked for any more, but you know I do… pick up your room, wash your hands, let the dog out, help rake some leaves...

In some ways we have come, and we have conquered. I will admit to having been very focused on some basic needs and not doing nearly as much site seeing as I would have liked, but there is time for that. We aren't going anywhere, we have worked too hard to get here. For now I am looking forward to spending the holidays with family and all the hustle/bustle that will be....

in case you thought to ask, "How are you?"

2009-10-03T15:52:00.000-04:00

I would have to say, "While I can't say my life is magnificent I definitely feel more present in it and there is something fulfilling in that."

This past week was fraught with some challenges, but instead of wallowing in self pity, I took action. I recognized what I could control and I focused on that. Those things that were beyond my reach were exactly that and not worth my fretting over. And at the end of the day Friday, I knew I had done the best I could do and everything happened for a reason and it was all good; even when at first glance it seemed like it didn't and wasn't.

I will admit to being one of those people who has harboured jealousy of what others have, but I see how what I have is priceless. Above all I have LOVE in my life: in the form of an understanding and supportive life partner, a compassionate daughter, and other family and friends that are unrelenting in their encouragement. In the dark there is the light in my mother's eyes; in the cold there is warmth in my husband's arms; when my stomach is empty there is a chair at my friend's table... what more could I ask for? I think nothing, except maybe to be reminded each day of this truth.

How am I? I am BLESSED.

of all the places in all the world....

2009-10-01T10:33:00.000-04:00

After weeks of government preparation, various causes organizing, general populous anticipation, and a lot of local media build-up the G20 made its Pittsburgh debut. Approximately two months shy of the 10 yr. anniversary of the WTO Riots in Seattle, WA (NOV1999); where I was residing at the time. My experience with both events being somewhat removed (not actively participating), although I was reminded I do know someone who participated in a peaceful protest during the WTO extravaganza and someone who wore a suit to work and was accosted (despite his having nothing to do with the World Trade Organization, just wearing similar attire)…

In Seattle my commute involved passing by the general vicinity of the marches and riots in the downtown area, but it was easily avoidable, and avoid I did. Here in pBurgh I didn’t even have to try and avoid the action, it seemed to be avoiding me despite my best attempts at getting out to photograph it. I did see some smoke bombs and police activity from the bus on Thursday, but I was on the wrong side of a crowded bus. On Friday the People’s March which started in Oakland (the neighborhood where I spend my work hours) was blocks away from where I was and by the time I was able to leave for lunch it was long gone. All I got were some pictures of sidewalk missives left the night before and a band of ragamuffins who must have eaten a pan of special brownies prior to heading out to join the march… they didn’t really know where they were going, they became distracted by the same sidewalk missives which had caught my eye… and half of their group wandered off ahead while the others stayed behind to photograph this and that.

Most of the staff in my area took vacation days, worked from home, or worked a compressed week; which meant it was uber quiet around the office. The handful of us here went out to lunch; although I am trying not to become too personally involved with anyone in the work place it was nice to be invited along and feel like part of the gang (I am pretty sure they are all mostly trying to avoid being personally involved with coworkers as well). We were let out of work early both days… which was great, except that the first day my bus didn’t come for 40 minutes… which meant I could have stayed at work and caught the same bus I normally do, and continued to dick around on-line. Ah well… luckily that was not the case on Friday and I did arrive home before anyone else and took the opportunity to crack open a beer, a bag of peanuts and listen contentedly to the local NPR coverage of Obama’s G20 Closing Remarks.

Rand on "Why Pittsburgh?"

2009-09-23T08:42:00.001-04:00

Rand on "Why Pittsburgh?"

Posted using ShareThis

I got asked that question a LOT before we left and I still get asked that question from people I talk to... I thought this piece had some good answers to the question, "Why Pittsburgh"

diving in

2009-09-13T10:42:00.000-04:00

Last night I participated as a volunteer in an event called Rock the Block put on by WYEP. It was nice to get out on a Saturday night (haven't done that in awhile, separate from hanging out with Michael's childhood chums in Ligonier) and intermingle. I had the opportunity to talk to some really cool people, most of whom were born and raised here and never left. Strangely in Seattle many of the people I called friends were not locals; and in fact I can only think of a handful who were! I think it says something about a city where people don't leave or if they do, they find there way back. Although I know several of my classmates who have moved away and moved back to "The Springs", I could never imagine moving back there, under any circumstance. Maybe in part because I don't have family there, which many of them do; but still....

I digress.

As I was saying.... it was great to be out and about, meeting new people, hearing good music, having tasty treats (Pomegranate sno-cone), and generally feeling like I might start to have a life again.

Go figure...

2009-09-11T21:23:00.000-04:00

You regular readers may remember me being somewhat concerned about introducing myself, and folks having trouble with the pronunciation of my name.... well the funny thing is, there is a very large contingent of biblically (as opposed to wiccans, First Peoples, Taoists) religious people in this city and for the most part I've had very little trouble getting people to pronounce my name correctly and even a few (typically older) have mentioned Ben-Hur!

Who knew... that Pittsburghians who use words like yenz and dahn tahn would find it so easy to say Tirzah.

It is easier to exemplify values than teach them. Theodore M. Hesburgh

2009-09-07T21:58:00.000-04:00

I don’t remember much about it really, I was in the throes of being a very difficult teenager…but when I was in high school my mom went to school. Which was not an easy feat to accomplish, it wasn't like she had all the time or the money in the world to make this happen, and I am sure my adolescent antics didn't help either. But she did it, she went to school, and then went out and started making a living with what she learned.

Since 9/11 I've been thinking about going to school for nursing, seriously since 2006, but there is always this little thing holding me back: fear. Fear of what I am not exactly sure, maybe failure, or possibly success. I've always found excuses to cover for it, “We don’t have _______ (money, time, this, that, fill in the blank).” I don’t think my mom had those things either, but she found a way and she did it.

Before we left Seattle my co-workers threw me a good bye party at which my boss gave a little speech where she used the word brave to describe me. I’d never heard anyone use that word to describe me before and honestly I don’t think I ever would have used it to describe myself… but if I were to follow the example my mom set for me growing up… I would be brave and I would stop filling in the blank with reasons why I couldn't do it, and start finding reasons why I should do it.

Tonight after getting off the phone with my mom I was reminded that she gave so much and continues to give so much of her life for me. By not being the best person I can be I am squandering that love, and how, when there are people who have paid for years of therapy to accept they will never have that kind of love from their mothers can I squander the love of mine…

I imagine she will read this and tell me I haven’t squandered anything… because just by being I am being the best that I can be, but that isn't good enough for me any longer and she deserves better as does my daughter who I am in turn setting an example for…

back to Braddock...

2009-09-02T13:10:00.001-04:00

I guess I am still a little stuck on the idea of this place:

Installation reflects two women's different experiences of growing up in Braddock

This is the tale of two Braddocks.

Victoria Hruska was born in 1921 and reared in the Bottoms, a neighborhood south of Braddock Avenue, in a house she shared with her parents, working-class Polish immigrants, and her seven siblings.

At 16, she dropped out of school to work at a lingerie shop on the avenue to support her family, earning a dime's worth of commission for every piece she sold. Life was hard, but she reflects on it whimsically, and her art -- crafts of recycled and found objects -- reflects her modest upbringing. Few of the things she sells cost more than $15.

"I think that all people should own art," she said.

LaToya Ruby Frazier was born 61 years later, in 1982, and grew up during the height of the crack epidemic in the crowded housing project of Talbot Terrace, also in the Bottoms.

role reversal

2009-08-30T10:35:00.000-04:00

So.... I think everyone (who knows me) would agree I am the more social person in my marriage. In Seattle I had lots of friends, and liked to spend lots of time with my friends. Poor Michael would get dragged to gatherings and what-not more often then he liked; although for the most part I just went and hung out with my friends solo. Also... I had a friend who spent a LOT of time at our place, and when I say a LOT, I mean a LOT. If she wasn't hanging out at our place, or me at her place, I was often on the phone with her. This was status quo for years.

Well now here we are in Pittsburgh, and I have all of two people I would really consider friends, and they are busy with their lives and while I've spent some time with them it isn't comparable to my socializing in Seattle. Conversely one of Michael's good friends lives only a few houses up the street, which means he is either hanging down here or more likely Michael is hanging out up there. And of course because he is from the area he has LOTS of friends still in the area... and now I am getting a taste of my own medicine. I don't mind really. It's nice to finally see him socializing and enjoying time with someone other then me. There is a side of me that does like to sit back (be the wall flower, so to speak) and watch the hap's going on around me, and this does give me that opportunity.

Who knows? Maybe I will enter a new phase in my life where I am less social and more of a home-body, it was beginning to happen a bit in the last year or so in Seattle. I do imagine it will take at least a year if not longer for me to develop a handful of friendships here in the Burgh, regardless. Also, I don't see this as a bad thing, because having that kind of free time might also push me into pursuing things I've put off for a very long time.

enough with the choices already

2009-08-27T21:15:00.000-04:00

If you’ve been following the story…. Well then you know the conundrums about decisions... We had to make a choice about housing… and today I’ve had to make a decision about the job situation.

I am sort of over making decisions… it's exhausting and somewhat wreaks havoc on your self confidence.

I’ve been unemployed for weeks. It’s been frustrating and difficult (REALLY DIFFICULT)… yesterday I got the call from the HR rep at the University of Pittsburgh that there was a temp position open and I was the first person she thought of… of course I jumped at the chance, and despite some absurd traffic and parking conditions showed up on time today.

While I was there, I got a call from a place I had interviewed with earlier in the week for a permanent position with benefits, but it’s a further commute, and it would certainly just be a job, not something I can see myself investing in… and they offered me the job. I will refrain from swearing… as I’ve done before, because I know my relatives read this…anyhow… there were several signs after I left the my first day pointing me in the direction of staying where I am. Granted it’s only temp…but I know in my heart I can find my way in permanently…so I suppose I will stay put on the far end of the top floor in the donut and see where it leads me.

maybe it was penance…

2009-08-22T16:14:00.000-04:00

So sure the house we passed up was clean, but that was about all it had going for it vs. the house we chose which had everything, but being clean; and not just to my standards but honestly to any civilized human being standards. Even the plumber who had to be called in the first week had said when he had been to the house before he thought the people who inhabited the place "lived like animals". UGH, maybe I didn't need to know that much.

Supposedly each tenant needs to have the carpets cleaned upon move out, but after vacuuming up two bags full of dirt; I called the landlady to arrange for a house call by Rug Doctor© free of charge (to us anyway), which she did; even they were kinda grossed out. The beautiful subway tiling in one of the bathrooms was dingy and grey until me and my friends: bleach and scrub brush came in. And I will only say about the kitchen that I spent approx. three hours on the floor alone. Eee gads. Not to mention when I went to wipe some primer off the celing in the dining room I realized I would be spending some time Michelangelo style with a rag and some Simple Green© up there. But in the end it has still been worth it, and I am grateful that I had the time to clean and make the place shine a little brighter. Sure, it’s an older home, and will never be sparkly like some slapped together new construction, but it is solid, it has character and it suits us.

why does everything have to be so difficult?

2009-08-17T19:57:00.000-04:00

We met with the landlady at the house with the previously mentioned For Rent sign, and while we liked it and thought "sure we can make this home" it was a little more then we wanted to pay, and when I asked if it was negotiable she lowered the price by $25.00, which was still out of our price range. But after much consternation and admittedly some arguing we filled out the application and dropped it off. Didn’t hear anything for a few days, so… we kept looking and lo and behold Michael came across a possibility on Craigslist.

So we went, we looked, we said we would take it… I think out of desperation, it was in our price range, it was clean, and it was ours if we wanted it. So we signed the lease, we filled out the check, we got the key and we waited. It wasn’t available for three weeks, which I don’t know what I was thinking considering I felt like I was dying inside due to our living situation, but it seemed to appease our desire to know that we would have a place to live at some point. We came back all excited, ready to celebrate and I called the other potential landlady and informed her; reluctantly she thanked me for my interest and I thought that was the end. I believe I even updated my status on Facebook to reflect this (which would later confuse many of my friends when I was talking about moving in, and unpacking before August 1st ). And then…

She called back… “Why did we rent the other place instead?” I told her mostly because of the amount of rent, and they were willing to sign a lease that day and she asked, “What if I match that? and you can move in this weekend?"... umm….internal dialogue: Okay, but when I asked if the rent was negotiable and you only lowered it $25.00 why all of the sudden… and when you had all that time to call us back why didn't you, and why, why, why? Why can't something just be easy for once? AAARRRGGGHHHH…. I explained that we had already signed a lease, I wasn't sure if they would let us out of it...

But (close your ears if you are opposed to foul language) F*@%ing Hell… I can move into the big house with four bedrooms, two ½ baths, and a fully fenced in back yard in the next week… for the same amount of rent,

or I can wait for three weeks to move into a two bedroom, 1 bath, back yard with no fence… I can sleep in my own bed, my dog can roam free without fear of being eaten, my teenage daughter can have her own bathroom, there is room for us to be without being all in the same room breathing down each other’s necks… and it can all happen like tomorrow… if only...

Let the negotiations (otherwise begging and pleading) began, with our barely day old landlords. Did I feel like an asshole? Sure, did I care, not really, because I knew if we continued to stay where we were for the next three weeks, I was most likely getting a divorce or killing someone, possibly myself… literally life depended on getting out of that lease and getting into the one down the street. It took some serious negotiating, even my MIL went into solution mode, but we finally wore them down … I think by the end they weren’t much interested in having us as tenants anyways.

Finally we could begin to really settle into this transition, and we could start at home....

just passing through...

2009-08-11T14:14:00.000-04:00

I will admit to having spent a great deal of time being transient in this life. I've slept on many a couch, floor, futon; inside sleeping bags; at airports, railroad stations, one or maybe two bus stations and occasionally a hotel room... much of that was done when I was young, carefree, but most importantly single. I’ve even made two major moves as an adult with a small child, both times though back to places I’d previously resided, hence I had a network of people (that I knew), there was familiarity and a level of comfort with the “lay of the land”.

That was not the case when I departed the Pacific NW and headed east; despite having visited Pittsburgh in May and been to the “area” for long weekends, I had no idea what it would be like. Not to mention, that I am a person who revolves in patterns… as many of us are when it comes to where you shop, what day or in what order you run errands, the way you drive to this place or that, especially if you have lived in the same place for a long period of time. There was a time after the beetle wreck, certain routes were critical to my sense of well being; some roads were off limits, others I could zip along gaily. Eventually you learn traffic patters, you even occasionally see the same car: there is a sense of control… and as those of you who know me know: I like being in control.

So when I arrived here and was staying with near strangers in a strange land, knowing not even where exactly in the city we really were, compared to the places I had seen in May or been during visits past, I will admit to letting each and everything push me into a corner. In some ways… not knowing what path to take, meant I didn’t take any path at all. In some respects I felt like I shouldn’t leave our ever so temporary home, because I didn’t want to leave Poppy in a little room all day, but we couldn’t take her and leave her in the car either. Occasionally Michael would drag me, begrudgingly, out. A few times we drove around aimlessly looking for rentals, Craigslist isn’t always the best method of finding something you need/want around here, and I think they still use the Penny Saver religiously.

It was difficult, and I begun to let fear rule me. I gave in, at last, to the sadness and grief I felt over leaving my friends, even my life and not just where I lived and worked, but the patterns, the easily met expectations. I felt that by making this decision we had ruined our lives irreparably. This, of course, did not come across well to those we were staying with. They didn't know me from jack, and I suppose at the moment I didn't want them to know me, and I didn't want to have to get to know them. As Ani Difranco sings, "I want my old friends. I want my old face. I want my old mind. Fuck this time and place."

Of course navigating their lives, including their children and animal’s lives did not help me stand up any straighter, or find my way out… in fact I felt like I had two left feet and was tripping over everyone and everything. I was NOT in control. I needed space: a room that wasn’t covered in someone else’s photos, and the trinkets of their life; a place for my puppy dog to play with her toys and laze around that didn’t smell like a gigantic dog that wanted to eat her; most importantly somewhere I could bring my daughter home to, a place we could all be together again as a family…

One day when I was willing to step outside the door into the unknown… I came across a For Rent sign, only a stone’s throw away from the corner I had gathered myself up in. But alas it wasn't that easy and there would be hurdles to jump, and choppy waters to cross before I could call the place ours.

Uncertainty, discomfort, and discombobulation and the corner they were lurking around

2009-08-04T17:16:00.000-04:00

Last I left you; we had arrived (barely) at my MIL’s, which thankfully offered some measure of comfort and solid ground. Crazy us though: we decided to drive into the city with Nick, my brother in law, and drop off the auto-transport-trailer and drive around and look for rentals. Get a move on so to speak, be motivated and OVERLY ambitious.

I should have known the day would not go as planned, when we arrived to return the trailer, the Customer Serviceman asked me who had hooked up the trailer to the car we were using to tow it. I said my husband and his brother and he informed us that any U-Haul agent who hooked up a Ford Explorer (of a certain year) to an auto transport would be fired on the spot for liability reasons. Great, good to hear; I’d managed to forget about all those Fords flipping over a few years back. Ah well… we dodged that bullet.

We then went to meet Chuck. Chuck was a man we had been in contact with prior to leaving Seattle about rentals. We had called him while still living in Seattle and neither of us was really sure what we should expect. He was a bit strange over the telephone. So when I had to call him again to let him know we were on our way… he proceeded to ask me a million questions, while being evasive himself. Eventually he provided us with an address, and we met him at his office, which was in a teeny tiny little township. After introductions and waiting for him to meet a contractor we finally arrived at a teeny tiny little duplex that was smaller then our Seattle place, dark, dirty, and honestly dreadful. During the viewing of the apartment Chuck proceeds to wink his little eye out at me while telling me where I do and do not want to live over and over. Of course this left me a bit trepidatious about the rental situation in P*burgh, especially as we had somewhat been bankin’ on good ol’ Chuck. After excusing ourselves from his attention and getting a bit lost in this teeny tiny township we did not want to live in we drove off forlorn. Since we had time to kill before picking up Nick at their Uncle’s, we met up with an old friend, who lived in a decent neighborhood, of which we had been warned against.

After visiting with Michael’s friends, we agreed to take them up on their offer of a place to stay, and store a small amount of our stuff. Plans begin to take shape: We would head back to Ohio for the evening, unload a significant amount of the U-Haul into the garage attic of my In-Law’s. Drive both the U-Haul truck (remember we’ve only given up the trailer at this point), and the Subaru into town in the morning, unload it at our friend’s place and the best option for temporary shelter. So… that is indeed what we did. It was a bit hectic, but our friends were so kind to clean up and arrange their basement for our stuff, and “prepare” space in the spare room.

Did I mention they have three dogs and three cats? Along with the family of four, two adults, and two tweens? We made six + little dog…. We were hoping that because their three dogs were big, and our little dog usually likes big dogs… that they would get along… but no. That was a pipe dream. We tried, but frankly Poppy was too much like prey for their youngest biggest dog, so there was a lot of rotating the dogs, and maneuvering of pets, because Poppy thinks cats are prey, and I’m allergic. Sound like fun yet?

It wasn’t… but everything happens for a reason and I think all these things did too…

you've read all about it, maybe....

2009-08-02T14:11:00.000-04:00

now see it in pictures.

http://flickr.com/gp/tirzymcwirzy/6Skmqm

There is always a toll of one sort or another….

2009-07-24T13:33:00.000-04:00

I have been asked more then once how the actual trip on the road from Seattle to Pittsburgh was… so this is where I will begin my long-winded story of the events of the last three weeks…

Wednesday, July 1: We pulled out of Ballard some time (in fact oddly enough it was exactly that time) after 4:00, with Michael at the helm. I was a little anxious about hitting rush hour on I-90, but somehow we managed to miss it (like dodging a bullet). Our ride out to Spokane was fairly uneventful; at least I can’t remember any events, Michael may recall it differently. The plan to sleep in the car was thwarted by the gigundo TV being placed in the back of the Subie, along with all my large framed pieces. So we found ourselves a lovely Super 8 and called it a night.

Thursday, July 2: After a good nights sleep we hit the road bright and early in our home away from home, aka the U-Haul; Michael still behind the wheel. We did manage to drive right into Spokane morning rush hour traffic, which wasn’t too terrible other the cavernous ruts in the road along that stretch of I-90, thank heavens Michael was able to man handle the U-Haul and keep us steady. We departed WA state fairly quickly and headed up into the Rockies: Idaho? No, U da ho came and went, but that was probably because I was napping; I awoke just in time to see the Welcome to Montana sign (and not take a picture of it). I sent Robert (since Trent does not use a tele) a text to see if they could meet us at the gas station in Superior, but alas I didn’t hear from him until we were nearly to Billings. The rain came and went and came again, which was not really welcome considering the twisty turny up and down of the mountains, but again I wasn’t driving. By now you are thinking, “Geez Tirzah, why don’t you pull some weight around here”, I did offer, but Michael being the better driver stayed put. In retrospect, when he was completely burnt out the next day that probably was not the best idea, but what do you do when you realize that in hindsight. Eventually we found our way into Billings: hungry, and exhausted and not sure which route we were going to take from there we called it done and checked into a semi decent Motel 6, although I don’t recall anyone leaving a light on for us, nature sure did put on a show when rolling up the day and putting the sun to bed. We went and got some edible grub (which makes it sound unappetizing, but that’s because it was somewhat unappetizing, they didn’t even have cherry tomatoes in the salad bar), came back and scouted out routes / times, decided to stick with South Dakota and promptly fell asleep.

Friday, July 3, which also happened to be our 13^th anniversary of the day we met: After taking showers which made us feel dirtier, rather then cleaner and packing up our overnight stuff we were back on the road and headed south into Wyoming. I finally put in some time behind the wheel, although not much. Fairly uneventful until we started heading east again and came across an over turned 5^th wheel (thankfully no one looked to be hurt, as there were no ambulances, and the people were standing on the side of the road), we did not stop as there were already ½ dozen police and figured they had it under control, besides it isn’t like we could have done anything for them. Made our way into South Dakota and decided we didn’t want to drive far enough off course to see four big heads carved into the side of a mountain, and eventually I took over driving again, after Michael had finally had enough, and did my best. While he did a little snoozing I made the executive decision that seeing the 100s of Wall Drug’s signs was just as good as seeing Wall Drug and drove right past it. We also bypassed the Bad Lands, but ended up in our own version of bad lands when the rain came and pummeled us, at which point my love woke up and was kind enough to rescue me from the very scary driving (I could hardly see out the windshield it was raining so hard). After an absurdly long and difficult day of driving in the pouring rain and a quick anniversary kiss at the Welcome to Minnesota rest top we chose a Super 8 in Luverne as the place to stay. What I remember most about this was the lower then low couple with two little babies running around in the parking lot at 9:00 at night in the pouring rain with no shoes, full diapers screaming their heads off, and to top it off they chose a smoking room. I have many disparaging things to say about this, but will refrain from doing so here, feel free to call me if you want more juicy bits about the couple who should have stayed at the trailer park.

Saturday, July 4: While the rest of the country was waking up to the idea of celebrating freedom by eating hotdogs, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and shooting off colorful rockets… we were shackled to the U-Haul and the dream of making it to Ohio (destination: Mother in Law’s)… We crossed through Minnesota, and Wisconsin fairly quickly and easily, nothing exciting to report, in part because I spent much of it napping. We stopped for both auto and human fuel and I took over driving, finally for a significant stint, which included some horrendous traffic in Chicago and a bit of a meltdown (on both our parts), but we pulled through only to find ourselves needing gas (as in the light came on) badly. So when the GPS told us to exit for a gas station a mere ½ mile away we did. Here is where we found ourselves: Gary, Indiana (birthplace of the very recently deceased Michael Jackson), and the scariest hellhole of a miserable place I’ve EVER been.

The gas station the GPS suggested looked as if it had been torched with a Molotov cocktail and the fire put out right before the whole place fell to the ground, the next gas station seemed to be in working order, except for the first pump I pulled up to was cash only, and this is where we should have known this would not be the last of the issues in this forgotten place, so Michael maneuvered the 27’ of massiveness to another pump. Once filled up we did our best to find the way out, but there was no yellow brick road to be had: only an exit ramp that ended at the top of a giant sinkhole. So Michael used his mad dad skills and managed to back the U-Haul and trailer all the way down the 180-degree turn ramp and get us back on to the road, which sadly didn’t take us anywhere, and again we found ourselves turning around, thankfully we were able to actually turn around and didn’t have to back up. Having faith in the GPS led us to the next on-ramp choice, but Michael being savvy to the ways of Gary, Indiana’s construction zones realized this too was not a likely exit, and got us turned around one last time, at which point we asked a homeless man where might we find the exit, who pointed to the one we just left and decided to just keep heading east, and eventually maybe we would find our way to the turnpike. We were right, after ½ an hour of driving through and around a burnt down, run down, sad little place of a town we found our way back on the interstate, and immediately passed a service plaza a mere 2 miles past where we had exited in the first place and probably could have made it to before our little adventure in the sorriest place in America. Oh well.

Of course by the time we were back on I-80 and realized we had just escaped with our lives, we realized we weren’t going to have enough energy to go the next six hours it would take to get to OH, and we chose the Home of the Fighting Irish (South Bend, Indiana) as our destination for the evening. Staying with the pattern of Super 8, Motel 6, Super 8… we stayed at the you guessed it: Motel 6; which was right next door to the fireworks store. Thankfully we were all so beat that even Poppy only barked once or twice and then it was off to the Land of Nod for all of us, despite the fireworks going off well into the morning hours all around us.

Sunday, July 5: Awaking to the knowledge that we would most certainly be making it into the arms of family on this day, we departed with renewed energy. It was a fairly low-key drive and thankfully the only tolls involved cash. We arrived in the early evening to brothers, and in-laws and lots of love. Poppy met some of her canine cousins at Nana Rita’s and enjoyed the big grassy yard in the back, she stretched out her little legs and did lots of running this way and that.

While we hadn't exactly arrived at our final destination, we were close enough for the moment, and it meant we would no longer be spending hours upon hours by ourselves in a very large moving contraption with no end in sight. Thankfully I was blissfully ignorant of the uncertainty, discomfort, and discombobulation that was lurking around the corner....

off the grid

2009-07-16T15:37:00.000-04:00

since I am on someone else's computer I dont have much time. We should hopefully be back up and running on-line early next week, and then you will get the novel of an update... check back a week from tomorrow.

So the short of it is: We have a home, Michael has a job, I have an interview for a temp position next Monday. Poppy doesn't know what to do with her big fenced in back yard, silly city dog. Huntyr is still in Maine, I will probably go get her next week. We don't own a home, but we do own a fridge, because the east coast is a little different like that (most rentals you have to bring your own appliances) weird, but I love my fridge, and we are going to pick up our washer/dryer on Saturday. So when we do own a home, I will be prepared.

That's it for now. Gotta run. Expanded stories will come soon enough...

final destination

2009-07-06T23:14:00.001-04:00

we have arrived... easy is not how I would describe this... but I am trying to be brave, because according to someone I respect very much... I already am.

In two days tomorrow will be yesteday

2009-07-02T13:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday seemed so far away last fall when we made the decision to leave; even two months ago it seemed like "the day" was in the distant future. But before I knew it; it had arrived and today it is yesterday already.
There are so many unknowns in the coming days... when will we get there? where will we live? what jobs will we get? where will HFG go to school?
But one thing I do know is we will have each other and we will have the support and love of so many people to lift us up and carry us through all the todays, tomorrows, and yesterdays.
For that I will be grateful, and I will honor that by being the best that I can be.

running out of time....

2009-06-18T20:15:00.001-04:00

I only have 8 work days left for getting work stuff done; and if I calculate about how much free time outside of that to get personal things done, I have less then four days!!!

In some ways I want it to come quickly, and in other ways I wish it would slow down.

examinations....

2009-06-15T00:15:00.000-04:00

I hadn’t really had any expectations or plans for the weekend, it had been a difficult week and I was worn down enough that I hadn't given much thought to what the weekend would entail other then some effort at packing.

It started off a little tense on Friday night with a certain hockey game. Many thought it would go one way, but I believed it was possible it could go the way I was hoping; and lo and behold it did. (As Lance so eloquently texted) Da’ Gwinz!! Stanley Cup Champions!! This of course means Pittsburgh has two national champion sports team, and not many would consider me into that sort of thing, but I will love football because it is the Steelers and I will love the Penguins because they are hockey.

Later while taking the dog for a w-a-l-k [sic] after the game I had a “stoop-side” chat with Granpa Lee, our neighbor; which ended with an invitation to breakfast in the morning. I even managed to coerce HFG into this early morning outing! We each dined on waffles “because that’s all they have at that time”; although the gentleman had blueberries with his; like someone else I know. The adults had many cups of diner coffee as we enjoyed the food before us. We spoke of lives lived long ago and yesterday; of adventures to come, and the job at hand today. We touched on war and peace, rights, and responsibilities, Reagan and Obama.

Back home we said farewell to our friend and proceeded to watch Empire of the Sun. Something we’d been meaning to do, ever since we both became fascinated with a certain Christian Bale. We even enjoyed the appearance of Ben Stiller (another of our favorites) in this sprawling movie about a British boy during the Japanese invasion of Shanghai during WWII. Interestingly Lee, and both mine and Michael's grandfathers were enlisted man during the war.

Upon completion of the movie, I resigned myself to the packing which I had been dreading most... the packing of our framed family photographs (grandparents, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, of course little HFG and Poppy). In so doing I was given to examining them and the culmination of ours and other’s life decisions which had either reinforced someone’s expectations or rebelled against the choices others had made, including instances of my own. I didn’t get it all done in one day, but by Sunday night I only had a few frames yet to be boxed.

I suppose I dreaded it for nothing; although now my walls are bare and just like that it doesn’t feel like home to me. In a way having all those images conjure up understanding, faith, pride, strength, love... for me = home. In two weeks I will be homeless, but I know that when I need understanding I can call or text my friends… when I need faith I can pet my puppy dog, when I need pride I can look across at my husband, when I need strength I can feel it within my body which packed up all my belongings, and when I need love I can feel it in my heart… and as they say home is where the heart is… and sometimes it has to be packed up, wrapped in bubble wrap and safely tucked away.

ask and ye shall receive...

2009-06-11T00:42:00.000-04:00

there are boxes

and then there are boxes, and boxes and more boxes (and some bubble wrap too)!

I'll get started on that after...

2009-06-06T00:51:00.000-04:00

When Michael and I made the decision to move back east way back when (fall of 2008), I admit it was somewhat difficult to even fathom being where we are today, which is less then four weeks from getting on the road in a U-Haul filled with all our crap packed in boxes, no jobs, and no where to live.

Since then I've had little markers in my mind... once this happens I will do that, once these people know I will tell those people, etc, the most recent of "those things" being the brunch... which has since come and gone.

and now...

It's here, it's happening... I can pack anything and eventually will have to pack everything... I need to tie up any and all loose ends at work... there are people I wanted to see that I might not get to see... and in three and 1/2 weeks we will be climbing in the same said U-Haul filled with all our crap packed in boxes, no jobs, no where to live and nothing but endless possibilities ahead of us...

Not the first and not the last

2009-06-01T11:53:00.001-04:00

I started out the weekend, truly saying goodbye to my teen daughter’s childhood, by way of her first semi-formal dance and looking very grown up. Then I picked up my friend Jill and off we went to Spencer’s small gathering of co-workers for his goodbye…

Saturday the only goodbye that was said was to our Costco (I don’t think we will be buying much in bulk prior to leaving in a month).

Then on Sunday was our big “goodbye” event: a potluck brunch. It was so lovely to see the many who came to remind us that we will always have a cheering section in Seattle. I would have liked to have a lil’ more time with each of the those who spent their Sunday morning with us, but I have fond memories of the moments we have already shared, and look forward to all the hellos we will have in the future. Same goes for those of you who were unable to come… trust me I understand… life is busy. I apologize for those invites I will decline in the coming days; I hope you too can understand.

and so it is... let the goodbyes begin:

Goodbye HFG's childhood, goodbye Spencer, goodbye Costco in Shoreline, goodbye coworkers of yesterday and today, goodbye last May 31st I will live in Seattle, goodbye first day of the last month I live in Seattle. goodbye.....

eating my way through Pittsburgh

2009-05-28T17:02:00.000-04:00

My friend Monica is very particular about the food people choose to eat; for the most part she herself eats healthy, fresh food; and she was asking me about the delicacies or specialties that one might find in Pittsburgh... I explained that restaurants usually serve salads topped with fries, and sometimes even sandwiches come with fries on top. About an hour after this conversation I received the following link from her. I am pretty sure she will be expecting reports back about each of these establishments.

I am prone

2009-05-21T19:34:00.000-04:00

Ever since arriving back here in Seattle, I admit to being slightly bummed out. I was happy to be reunited with my family, I missed them a lot, and we’ve even had a few superbly sunny days… but still I have been somewhat blue. I couldn't figure it out… until today.

I think I am suffering Post Pittsburgh blues!! Oh yes I did! The experience of being there, where the future lies for my family, was so thrilling. I can’t wait to start settling in, and coming back to the Pacific NW was a reminder that I do have to wait, must have patience.

But there are still things to do to prepare: along with some serious purging, I also packed three boxes the day I came home! I will wait, and be happy knowing that each sunset is a sunrise closer to the day we depart on our big adventure moving from the Emerald City to Iron City; and I better get busy being as prepared as possible.

“He that can have Patience, can have what he will” Benjamin Franklin

here, there, and everywhere

2009-05-10T23:46:00.000-04:00

I awoke to a cup of coffee and oatmeal with my Uncle Bernhard (no one around here pronounces his name correctly either), at the butt crack of dawn. After some lovely morning chatter I headed off to spend a moment with Jeremy and start a new tradition for Mother's Day (breakfast at Ruthie's in Ligonier). After some tasty bacon, and perfect over hard eggs (yolks not broken, way to go Ruthie's), I headed into Braddock to meet Jenny and her peeps. It was a lovely day with the sun in and out behind the clouds, and I found the three gals making the most of the day: digging up the vacant lot next door. Diligently preparing the ground for a garden to grow all the makings of salsa and pasta sauce (a gal after my own heart). It was nice chatting, and having the chance to make two more friends. I am looking forward to having them over for enchiladas (they are all craving decent Mexican, and Michael makes a mean pan of chicken enchiladas) when we have completed the move and start to settle in.

After feeling like a lunp of uselessness (I wasn't exactly dressed for hard labor), I headed into the city to meet my other new friend, Michael (cause just what I need is one more of those in my life) who promptly showed my that P*brgh has decent local coffee (they even had coconut syrup!). After briefly sitting, sipping, and giving cliff notes on our lives, he, ever so graciously, offered to give me the delux private tour of where to and where not: beginning in Shady Side, a quick jaunt along Liberty Ave then back south through Squirrel Hill, a jump on the East Parkway to Mt. Washington over to the North Shore and back again to Shady Side; a true gentleman.

It was a lovely day exploring, and I am can't wait to get here permanently and do some more of the same. It was a lot, but so worth the plethora of information intake.

Landing

2009-05-09T14:27:00.000-04:00

In approximatly two hours I will land in Pittsburgh, something I've done before. Only this time I arrive with the knowledge that two months from now I will be calling it home.

In a way I have left home for the last time only to arrive home. Seattle is no longer home, but merely where I reside temporarily.

remember so and so?

2009-05-07T00:31:00.000-04:00

Tonight I watched what might be the last Scrubs episode, I'm not sure. Apparently the main character is leaving his position at the hospital and as anyone who is familiar with the show knows: JD has an absurd amount of internal dialogue about his feelings, his relationships... his blah...blah..blah, and this episode was no different. I also have a fantastic amount of internal dialoge and begin to wonder...

This isn't the first job I've ever left. Up until recently I had hung on to one or two obligatory goodbye cards (thank heavens for purging), I even got a cake party in the lunchroom once... but I must admit... this feels different. One I'm not just leaving a job, I'm leaving my whole life behind. It's not like I can still meet up with these folk for lunch, or happy hour.

To be honest the last three years (while in my current position) have been challenging years: there was an intensly negative interaction with a coworker in the first six months; three months later I was in a serious car accident that in someways felt nearly fatal, and last but not least my amazingly aimable child hit puberty and was no longer so aimable. Of course this had a profound impact on who I was at work. I wonder will they be glad to be rid of the (self proclaimed)crazy lady? or will they miss the over zealous laughter, the super chatty me? will they notice the absence of my contribution?

I "gave notice" somewhat early (like nearly five months) as the gossip mill around shop is like none other I've experienced. I was worried it would get back to certain people before I had a chance to notify them, and moving out of state with no job to move for isn't something you plan in two weeks. Frankly it was getting difficult pretending I didn't have yet another ginormous event going on after hours. Recently I've also started to inform external contacts, in part because next week will be my last chance to see them at the work conference. Of course they are always so polite and kind with their responses; I have no reason to think internal collegues will be any different, but it's hard not to question... are the people I am going to miss going to miss me? I hope that despite the fact I have been somewhat of a drama queen for three years - I have mattered in a way that in seven months someone will remark, "it's just not the same", and mean it in a kind sweet way. That in the absence of my voice, and laughter the silence will be apperent and loathed. Maybe even Larry will long to hear me sing my "Larry, Larry" ditty.

Then again... who among us doesn't hope we matter? to someone? maybe even just one someone?

not a girl scout thing

2009-05-05T14:01:00.000-04:00

I am headed , solo style, to the 'Burgh on Saturday for a lil' look see and what have you, before I continue on to a work conference in DC.

Initially the huz was going with me so we could check it out together, but plans change, life happens.... now I am headed east on my own. I admit to being a little happy about the chance to see my new home through my own eyes; the guy has a tattoo of the area code on his leg for cryin' out lawd. What little I've seen is from the point of a passenger driving along I-376 on our way to Ligonier, PA; and the one night at Station Square with a trip up the Monongahela Incline.

The idea of driving 'round random neighborhoods with no paticular destination, no choice but to take a route I know nothing about is enchanting. There are "paths" we travel in Seattle so often that when Michael is in the driver's seat I can close my eyes and envision exactly where we are along the way.

to be able to go here, there, everywhere, anywhere, nowhere

one more weekend slipped away...

2009-04-26T23:44:00.000-04:00

only nine weekends left... one of which I will actually be in the 'Burgh. I hope that one is more productive then this one. No boxes packed, nothing purged; I barely even did reg'lur chores.

People's fates are simplified by their names. ~Elias Canetti

2009-04-14T20:53:00.000-04:00

I must admit I am really not looking forward to introducing myself or my daughter (since I already know how the area's accent slaughters her name) in Pittsburgh. I don't even want to fathom the pronunciations, or misspellings or onslaught of questions that will arise when I open my mouth to say, "Hi, my name is Tirzah".

I have coworkers who email me and still spell my name wrong! I remember in the 7th grade when I lived with my grandparents in SC for a year, my science teacher didn't say my name correctly until the very last day of school.

I'm on a mission for nickname, so that in the second half of my life I can be known as ________. Come on people help me out here!

"The Last Supper"

2009-04-12T15:46:00.000-04:00

Easter Supper that is, here in Seattle. While everyday is the last this day (March 16) or that day (second Tuesday of the fifth month) of living here in Seattle; it is of course much more meaningful on those days that in general are just more meaningful: ie. Easter. Today we celebrated our LAST Easter in Seattle, for a while anyways.

We haven't really done anything more extrordinary then any other Easter and in fact most likely a little less. Instead of a full spread breakfast, Michael just made Egg McMikey Muffins with bacon; it was filling and tasty all the same. HFG didn't get to find her Easter Basket; the Easter Bunny couldn't find it either amongst the holiday storage crates (I am desperatly hoping it is just packed away very well or I will be sad); but she was still surprised and thrilled with the Easter spread she found instead. We spent more of our time doing chores / projects then Eastery things... but then what are Eastery things when you aren't a church goer? It was a nice enough day: a fire crackled in the living room, sweets and savorys were there for the pickin', and we all knew we were loved.

In a way some of these "lasts" are also the lasts of HFG's childhood, Easter will be different next year, it won't be just the three of us having a mellow day all day together in our little cocoon. There will be family on both sides, we may even be the ones hosting. HFG will nearly be 15 and most likely wanting nothing to do with us, the Easter Bunny, or any of the family in the living room.

But today is ours, just the three of us... the sun has come out, we went to one of our favorite places and it is good. I will always remember today...

"It is good to practice life before embarking upon it" M.Dherin

2009-04-05T23:36:00.000-04:00

I've said before that until Michael and I purchased our bedroom suite of furniture, I'd always felt like we were playing house. You know the scene: teenagers in health class get a fake baby doll that cries, and poops; except our doll actually kept on growing and is now a teenager herself, and we weren't actually teenagers, although not far from it at 21 and 23.

I'm not sure about Michael, but sometimes I feel like I've just been stumbling through from one day to the next... not really intending anything but to get from A to B each day. Now I finally feel like I'm not practicing anymore. I'm making decisions from a place of maturity and experience and intention. I'm choosing a life with my husband and we're considering the future and how we need to be prepared to help our daughter become the young woman she is growing in to.

We're embarking on the life we've been practicing all these years~

leaning tower of boxes

2009-04-02T00:17:00.000-04:00

Moving annually is not uncommon for me, even within the same city. Until the year Michael and I got married; at which point we moved into a place where we ended up living for the last five years. In fact where I live now is the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere in my entire life (another entry I’m sure)!

For this reason I normally hang on to boxes from a move, which Michael finds completely irritating (until he needs a box); but this last time I was only allowed to hang on to boxes for so long until it was clear we weren’t going anywhere soon. And of course Michael never let me keep any boxes when we purchased something that came in a box (IE. the flat screen - he's going to regret that when we have to box that thang up).

So here I am three months before the move hoarding boxes… in fact my office is beginning to look like a U-Haul store or the shipping dept at work; and there is a tall towering box version of Jenga in our living room. Everyone knows the best boxes come from office buildings (not liquor stores): there’s the copy paper boxes, computer boxes, and monitor boxes, and there are always just random boxes people leave laying around from shopping they've done on the internet and had shipped to work. Of course, I’m claiming these with neon post-its, and people are randomly throwing them in front of my door when I’m not around.

Now I just need to start packing all those boxes... giant sharpie, tape gun here I come!

maybe what I am really afraid of is...

2009-03-23T14:54:00.001-04:00

So I've recently struck up conversation with someone living in the Pittsburgh area, whom I haven't actually met in person only through email, a blog, and Flickr; and I realized...

It's not that I am afraid of no one liking me, because really what if people don't like me? I'm not going to argue with them. It's that I've been very socially independent from my husband for our entire relationship! What I am afraid of is losing that independence.

I will have to mull this over more, but the more I think about it the more I realize maybe its okay if I become more dependent on Michael for companionship, and social interaction. As HFG gets older and spends less time with us, we spend more time just the two of us (along with the furry faced one) and I find that I quite enjoy it. I am pretty lucky that I have a life partner I like as a person, I enjoy spending time with, and that makes me laugh a LOT.

Maybe I won't get lonely after all~