the rest of the story

 I want so much to tell you all the things. All the insides and outsides. The last five years have been less about the journey outside - but a fucking abyss deep dive into all the closets, locked spots, and hidden away treasures that contribute to what makes me tick as well as putting into practice new ways of ticking. 

Hopefully I find the energy at some point, but 2020 is fill in the blank and I feel so far removed from this little corner of the internet. 

Hope you are well. Hope you have found ways of coping. I am mostly well, as well as one could be when American Democracy is on the line and Im desperately worried for so many lives that will be seriously jeopardized if that POS is reelected. My immediates are so far healthy and untouched by the pandemic. I know that I am privileged and I am doing my best to move through this world recognizing and acknowledging how to be better and do differently with that privilege. 

xoxoxo 

PS. Flickr is a bit out of date as well

PPS. Instagram is mostly up to date 

hatches battened

I wouldn't have any idea about where to begin. It certainly isn't Part II of whatever that last post was about. the last 18 months have felt like a 100 years and one day all at the same time.

The three of us have been mostly hunkered dahn at our house: aka home, the bubble, YBR Haus, heaven here on earth...

It has needed work, and work we have done. There have been storms: weather and otherwise, and it has provided shelter and sanctuary. Friends and Family have spent time laughing and sharing the space with us. There is more to do and other gatherings to hold.... and we will.

Until then - HOME. 

and the sky above

PART ONE

Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out-of-the-way in order to come back a short distance correctly. - Jerry (Zoo Story by Edward Albee)

A month ago at the end of October I returned to the scene of a heinous crime that had occurred at the turn of the year - Boston Logan Airport. My last visit thru I had factually, actually, literally, figuratively felt/been imprisoned for 17+ hours on the other side of security in the JetBlue Terminal.



I have travelled my entire life, I feel like I am my best self when I am in a state of movement from one place to another, I am a proud survivor of holiday travel mayhem: circling O'Hare in Chicago during winter storms, Rocky Mountain turbulence, a delay here or there, sitting on the tarmac waiting to be de-iced... but whatever the reason this experience was next level and I had a moment of existential crisis.

Letting go has not ever been my forte. I am an excellent holder-oner-toer. My shoulders are strong from grudges I've carried for decades. My heart heavy with the burdens of the world. My legs sturdy in the winds of change. But truly the circumstances of the day were completely beyond my control and all I could do was be present in each and every passing long second of that wait, I had to surrender completely.

I made it back to Western PA and into my bed just about the time I had woken up the morning before to depart for my 1hr 45min flight from Boston to Pittsburgh. I did not know it then that over the course of 2016 I would be brought to surrender over and over and over again.

processing

a LOT happened between September 2015 and September 2016... 

way back in October 2015 M and i made a road trip to Colorado to celebrate his birthday, where we met, get some closure, blah de blah.  nearly a year ago. it took me nearly a year to "process" my photos from the trip. in some ways it took me nearly a year to process the closure the trip brought me in terms of some stuff i've been working on. 

processing the closure... UGLY. i don't have any photos of that. and no one wants to see photos of that. 

processing the trip.... we could not have asked for more perfect Colorado weather. it was beautiful. our views at any given point were spectacular. a road trip with the man i fell in love with 20 years ago, like a second honeymoon. i present the photographic evidence of a fantastic road trip. 

Dropping Anchor~

A few posts back (nearly a year ago) I spoke of posting less and less in part because life just is. It's just happening to all of us. Shortly thereafter we moved out of the house that we had called home for five years and moved in with a friend. We were lucky enough to have a large bedroom, and could store some stuff on site, but almost everything went elsewhere including a shady storage unit place and a friend's basement. 

That process was way more painful than I had expected it to be. For one I knew it would be the last place that our kiddo would ever live with us as a kid; there are no plans for her to move back in with us but if she did she would most certainly not be a kid and I would make her pay rent. It was also the longest place I have ever lived in my life. I'm sure I've mentioned previously that up until 2004 I (we) moved a LOT / almost every year for most of my life. Having then had the experience of living in a place for a long time and feeling so settled in, knowing the routine of life. I was nervous about stepping away from that, just as we had done six years earlier sorta throwing our faith into the unknown of moving across country.  It was also overwhelming as we had a huge road trip planned back to Colorado to celebrate M's 40th birthday, departing almost immediately after packing everything up and moving into our new space. The room we were in was very large for a hundred year old home, but it was a room (not a house, not even an apt). I did my best to make it feel homey; but we knew this was only a short term solution. 

We hunkered down for 8 months and finally felt ready to purchase our first and possibly forever home.  It was exhausting and overwhelming, but I hear from some that comparatively we didn't look at very many houses, and we only lost one house in a bidding situation... thankfully at the end of the day we finally found our X that marks the spot. 

Land Ahoy! 

Love my Narnia Lamp Post

The Main Deck

It ended up being in the part of town we wanted to live in. It feels like you are in the suburbs but we are the same distance from all the amenities we've always used. It is the perfect size for us, and the occasional guest. The yard is excellent for entertaining. My commute has been a little challenging, but I've embraced it wholeheartedly. I honestly could not have dreamed for a more perfect place to stake my claim on. After so many years, I'm finally dropping anchor. I've slowly been dismantling my stash of moving boxes or giving them away. I am home in Pittsburgh. I am becoming at home in myself. I'm excited about how transforming our property will contribute to my continual transformation. I am so thrilled to let my roots really start to grow into the the soil which is Pittsburgh. I am grateful that we actually have a lovely porch with which to sit on and grow old together watching sunsets (and there are jaw dropping sunsets on occasion). 

This treasure island does require some work, but with all my years of HGTV watching experience, and M's handyman skills (and "This Old House" videos) I'm confident we'll keep ourselves busy with projects for years to come. I have fallen in love with Pittsburgh all over again, and I am excited about the adventure of homeownership, and sharing it with yinz who read this blog, and most certainly sharing it with anyone who wants to come visit. The accommodations are still a work in progress, but we will do our best to make you comfortable. 

The Color Pallet

If you are reading this, thank you. Thank you for taking time to "listen" to me. I am glad I have this record of the last seven years to remind me how we got to the now. Realistically I have no idea what the next seven years will look like even though I am contemplating the five year blow-out plan on the house. I am no longer out to sea (blatant blog title reference), but home-owner"ship" is new and definitely unfamiliar territory to me. 

It may not always be here but I am already capturing as much of the experience as possible; because my favorite part of any home makeover show is the BEFORE and AFTER. 

Find me almost daily on instagram: www.instagram.com/hazrithasit/ for up to date stories. Or flickr for the main shows: www.flickr.com/gp/tirzymcwirzy

xoxox until next time...