Monday, September 7, 2009

It is easier to exemplify values than teach them. Theodore M. Hesburgh

I don’t remember much about it really, I was in the throes of being a very difficult teenager…but when I was in high school my mom went to school. Which was not an easy feat to accomplish, it wasn't like she had all the time or the money in the world to make this happen, and I am sure my adolescent antics didn't help either. But she did it, she went to school, and then went out and started making a living with what she learned.

Since 9/11 I've been thinking about going to school for nursing, seriously since 2006, but there is always this little thing holding me back: fear. Fear of what I am not exactly sure, maybe failure, or possibly success. I've always found excuses to cover for it, “We don’t have _______ (money, time, this, that, fill in the blank).” I don’t think my mom had those things either, but she found a way and she did it.

Before we left Seattle my co-workers threw me a good bye party at which my boss gave a little speech where she used the word brave to describe me. I’d never heard anyone use that word to describe me before and honestly I don’t think I ever would have used it to describe myself… but if I were to follow the example my mom set for me growing up… I would be brave and I would stop filling in the blank with reasons why I couldn't do it, and start finding reasons why I should do it.

Tonight after getting off the phone with my mom I was reminded that she gave so much and continues to give so much of her life for me. By not being the best person I can be I am squandering that love, and how, when there are people who have paid for years of therapy to accept they will never have that kind of love from their mothers can I squander the love of mine…

I imagine she will read this and tell me I haven’t squandered anything… because just by being I am being the best that I can be, but that isn't good enough for me any longer and she deserves better as does my daughter who I am in turn setting an example for…

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