role reversal

So.... I think everyone (who knows me) would agree I am the more social person in my marriage. In Seattle I had lots of friends, and liked to spend lots of time with my friends. Poor Michael would get dragged to gatherings and what-not more often then he liked; although for the most part I just went and hung out with my friends solo. Also... I had a friend who spent a LOT of time at our place, and when I say a LOT, I mean a LOT. If she wasn't hanging out at our place, or me at her place, I was often on the phone with her. This was status quo for years.

Well now here we are in Pittsburgh, and I have all of two people I would really consider friends, and they are busy with their lives and while I've spent some time with them it isn't comparable to my socializing in Seattle. Conversely one of Michael's good friends lives only a few houses up the street, which means he is either hanging down here or more likely Michael is hanging out up there. And of course because he is from the area he has LOTS of friends still in the area... and now I am getting a taste of my own medicine. I don't mind really. It's nice to finally see him socializing and enjoying time with someone other then me. There is a side of me that does like to sit back (be the wall flower, so to speak) and watch the hap's going on around me, and this does give me that opportunity.

Who knows? Maybe I will enter a new phase in my life where I am less social and more of a home-body, it was beginning to happen a bit in the last year or so in Seattle. I do imagine it will take at least a year if not longer for me to develop a handful of friendships here in the Burgh, regardless. Also, I don't see this as a bad thing, because having that kind of free time might also push me into pursuing things I've put off for a very long time.

maybe what I am really afraid of is...

So I've recently struck up conversation with someone living in the Pittsburgh area, whom I haven't actually met in person only through email, a blog, and Flickr; and I realized...

It's not that I am afraid of no one liking me, because really what if people don't like me? I'm not going to argue with them. It's that I've been very socially independent from my husband for our entire relationship! What I am afraid of is losing that independence.

I will have to mull this over more, but the more I think about it the more I realize maybe its okay if I become more dependent on Michael for companionship, and social interaction. As HFG gets older and spends less time with us, we spend more time just the two of us (along with the furry faced one) and I find that I quite enjoy it. I am pretty lucky that I have a life partner I like as a person, I enjoy spending time with, and that makes me laugh a LOT.

Maybe I won't get lonely after all~