Monday, March 23, 2009

maybe what I am really afraid of is...

So I've recently struck up conversation with someone living in the Pittsburgh area, whom I haven't actually met in person only through email, a blog, and Flickr; and I realized...

It's not that I am afraid of no one liking me, because really what if people don't like me? I'm not going to argue with them. It's that I've been very socially independent from my husband for our entire relationship! What I am afraid of is losing that independence.

I will have to mull this over more, but the more I think about it the more I realize maybe its okay if I become more dependent on Michael for companionship, and social interaction. As HFG gets older and spends less time with us, we spend more time just the two of us (along with the furry faced one) and I find that I quite enjoy it. I am pretty lucky that I have a life partner I like as a person, I enjoy spending time with, and that makes me laugh a LOT.
Maybe I won't get lonely after all~


  1. I felt a lot the same issues about moving back east, and still love a time and a place that was our life in Seattle. But I really envy you the opportunity and desire to start anew, explore new areas, revisit Michael's old haunts and dream new dreams. I get restless every so often and dream of new landscapes and new environments and I hope you can really embrace that.

    I hope you're road-tripping out here because there's nothing to cure the angst of leaving a place you love than the open road unwinding in front of you.

    I love this therapy blog. Does Michael have any friends with girls Huntyr's age that she could email with before you go? Sounds like she's feeling a little disconnected.

    And Tirzah, the fact that you don't care if people love you and you just are yourself is exactly WHY people love you. No pretense, just real. Keep it up and true friends will gravitate to you.

  2. I remember having very similar feelings about leaving Seattle--scared and worried and excited and crazed as it came nearer and nearer and it wasn't just a concept but a reality with the boxes piling up as a daily reminder. I'm glad you have a therapy blog--I wish I had one back then, I remember cleaning our old house early in the morning on the day we left and just sobbing my soul out. I couldn't function until after we turned off 90th Street...and then with the road trip to look forward to and nothing but us 4 in the van altogether as a family with a month and a wad of cash and the ribbon of road---I was quickly cured. I know you're a fellow road tripper, I hope you have a long one planned as you make your way east.

    Do Michael's friends have any children Huntyr's ages? You may want to hook them up via email so she feels like she's not so disconnected. Although who knows if she'll put up with that......

    Our girls seemed fine until the first day of school when Maren panicked and literally wouldn't let go of me. We were both really upset, the teachers & aides came and led Maren away and I rounded a corner so she couldn't see me and bawled.

    Moving hits emotions hard but I hope you revel in the new dreams you can have, new friends you can make, new landscapes to explore, new fun to have. Seattle will always welcome you back with open arms if you're all unhappy. That wouldn't be the worst thing to keep in the back of your mind. All decisions aren't the right ones. Seattle's only a long, delicious roadtrip away!