Thursday, March 19, 2009

the worries and fears are starting to overpower the excitement...

Recently when I was "discussing" something (totally unrelated to the move) with HFG, she screamed, "You're ripping me away from all friends..." Up until this point she has been fairly relaxed and ho hum about the whole thing, which, admittedly, I was somewhat surprised by; but still it stunned me a bit when she recently had this about face.

Realistically though I can understand, she's lived here nearly her entire life, and although she currently only seems to have one friend: they spend every weekend all weekend together if possible, and that may almost be worst then having lots of friends you spend little time with. I've told her at least in this day and age with texting and email it is easier to keep in touch with your friends, and because I also have many friends and loved ones here I am pretty sure we will come visit. But it isn't the same...

I'd like to tell her it is easier to make friends as a kid, then when you're an adult, that she is so fun and kind she'll have to pick and choose from all the kids who want to be her friend. BUT I must admit that in the last week I've had this sinking feeling that I am going to be lonely and find it very difficult to make friends in Pittsburgh!

I remember moving to Coos Bay, OR with my friend Nissa and she had this boyfriend, and he always said we were a little bit different. We blamed it on Manitou, because everyone from there is a little different. Maybe it was growing up in a somewhat insulated mini society made up of all sorts: white collar, blue collar, artists, Christians, wiccans, gays/lesbians, traditional nuclear families, families of several generations, lots of single parent families, etc.... we were all just trying to survive in this tiny little town and until I was of voting age I didn't realize how many differences there were because we were all the same in that we were all different and for the most part it seemed we all got along.

I know that I am not everyone's cup of tea, and while I am okay with that for the most part it does worry me abit. Because it's not just me meeting random people, it's me meeting Michael's people (from his younger days). YES, I am actually worried what these people will think of me, and I am worried it isn't going to be good. Although I gotta be honest... with a name like mine (Tirzah) how can you be milquetoast... you can't... and yes maybe I've taken my freakness to the extreme on occasion, but it's who I am and it's what I do.

It's nice to know I will always have people somewhere in the world who love me right? I guess that's all that matters.

1 comment:

  1. yes you will always have someone in the world who loves you for who you are. And I am sure you will find people who are YOUR cup of tea, you just have to get involved in things so you can meet those people. It might be hard at first, but it will happen.