Wednesday, January 30, 2013

reflecting refraction

2500 + miles away.
similar weather.
6 years ago today.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

BECAUSE Ka'Sandra Wade can not.

  • Because 17 + years ago I was physically assaulted by my (ex and not worth naming) domestic partner. 
  • Because possibly the only reason that night didn't have the same ending as Ka'Sandra's was that the upstairs neighbor called 911 and banged on the outside door to tell us so.
  • Because so many know his name, but I only know him as the "football player who killed his girlfriend", btw HER NAME is KASANDRA M. PERKINS. 
  • Because they were both mothers and I am a mother. 
  • Because domestic violence should not be tolerated in any place of society. It doesn't matter if you are a woman, a man, a child, gay, straight, white, black, below the poverty level  or high above it, old or young - you should get to feel safe inside your own place of residence.  

Saturday, January 5, 2013

not since this time of year in 1995

...has the expectation of change been so palpable to me.

Sure moving to Pittsburgh was a huge change, but I knew that I would still have to get a job, find a place to live, go grocery shopping, do the laundry - it would just be in a different city.

but this... this is different - since the beginning of my second trimester, I honestly had no idea how I was going to pull off the birth of my child, let alone raise her and get her safely, happy, and willingly to 18. And here we are: at the beginning of the last six months of her formal "childhood". In six months she will indeed turn 18: safely, happily, and willingly.

In six months she will graduate high school and begin the next part of her life. The part of her life that she is responsible for pulling off. That part of her life that I am no longer responsible for to the degree that I have been anyways. and then it will just be me and Michael (Poppy too).

I have succeeded at the biggest goal I've ever set myself, and I'm only 38 and 363 days. Obviously this makes way for other goals, but nothing ever again will compare to that. I feel like I have put the final check on my life's task list. Sure, there are other things out there major that I could do - climb mountains, travel the world, run a marathon, etc. But let us get real here, other than the kid, I could have been a character in "Reality Bites", I am of the slacker generation. and frankly I just raised a kid, people - I am tired. Might I start taking more naps and watching more tv? Maybe. I am sure I will get some travel in there, and I might even undertake one more absurd bicycling ride (my only other major goal I set was the STP [Seattle to Portland Bike Ride], which I did but was very angry about for days afterward), but frankly I accomplished what I feel like I was here to accomplish (which is strange, because before she came along I never really thought of myself as someone who would accomplish that and do it so well).

So purposeless me, what will I do with all that unused direction? Hopefully not wear a hole in the floor.

Me - keeping busy