Monday, March 23, 2009

maybe what I am really afraid of is...

So I've recently struck up conversation with someone living in the Pittsburgh area, whom I haven't actually met in person only through email, a blog, and Flickr; and I realized...

It's not that I am afraid of no one liking me, because really what if people don't like me? I'm not going to argue with them. It's that I've been very socially independent from my husband for our entire relationship! What I am afraid of is losing that independence.

I will have to mull this over more, but the more I think about it the more I realize maybe its okay if I become more dependent on Michael for companionship, and social interaction. As HFG gets older and spends less time with us, we spend more time just the two of us (along with the furry faced one) and I find that I quite enjoy it. I am pretty lucky that I have a life partner I like as a person, I enjoy spending time with, and that makes me laugh a LOT.
Maybe I won't get lonely after all~

Thursday, March 19, 2009

the worries and fears are starting to overpower the excitement...

Recently when I was "discussing" something (totally unrelated to the move) with HFG, she screamed, "You're ripping me away from all friends..." Up until this point she has been fairly relaxed and ho hum about the whole thing, which, admittedly, I was somewhat surprised by; but still it stunned me a bit when she recently had this about face.

Realistically though I can understand, she's lived here nearly her entire life, and although she currently only seems to have one friend: they spend every weekend all weekend together if possible, and that may almost be worst then having lots of friends you spend little time with. I've told her at least in this day and age with texting and email it is easier to keep in touch with your friends, and because I also have many friends and loved ones here I am pretty sure we will come visit. But it isn't the same...

I'd like to tell her it is easier to make friends as a kid, then when you're an adult, that she is so fun and kind she'll have to pick and choose from all the kids who want to be her friend. BUT I must admit that in the last week I've had this sinking feeling that I am going to be lonely and find it very difficult to make friends in Pittsburgh!

I remember moving to Coos Bay, OR with my friend Nissa and she had this boyfriend, and he always said we were a little bit different. We blamed it on Manitou, because everyone from there is a little different. Maybe it was growing up in a somewhat insulated mini society made up of all sorts: white collar, blue collar, artists, Christians, wiccans, gays/lesbians, traditional nuclear families, families of several generations, lots of single parent families, etc.... we were all just trying to survive in this tiny little town and until I was of voting age I didn't realize how many differences there were because we were all the same in that we were all different and for the most part it seemed we all got along.

I know that I am not everyone's cup of tea, and while I am okay with that for the most part it does worry me abit. Because it's not just me meeting random people, it's me meeting Michael's people (from his younger days). YES, I am actually worried what these people will think of me, and I am worried it isn't going to be good. Although I gotta be honest... with a name like mine (Tirzah) how can you be milquetoast... you can't... and yes maybe I've taken my freakness to the extreme on occasion, but it's who I am and it's what I do.

It's nice to know I will always have people somewhere in the world who love me right? I guess that's all that matters.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I've been saying, "They know what it's like to lose the major industry"...

Obviously I troll CNN, as I've linked back to CNN in other posts, but I gotta love that I am moving to a city that knows how to deal with the bottom falling out, and can be an example to other cities facing such crisis.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

hurry up and wait....

Yesterday when we were both home feeling yucky, but I was still in love with the idea of Braddock, we decided to hook up my laptop to the ginormous flat screen, harvest our neighbors wireless and check out Google Satellite / street view of Braddock; not to mention the 20 other addresses, after looking up real estate... it was exhausting, really. I took a three hour nap afterwards.

It's been forever and a day ago since Michael was there, and the picture below is the most I have seen of housing in the city limits of Pittsburgh. I know for sure I don't want to live in the places I have been (which were all outside of Alleghany County), but other then that I don't know what I don't know, especially when it comes to all the little Townships, and Boroughs.

Until then, I'll be counting down here:

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Why not get in at the bottom...

I'm a little obsessed right now with where we might live, work, go to school, hike, camp, grocery shop, when we move to Western PA; and so whenever I see any article, news story, weather info, etc. about the haps in the area I must immediatly read it, watch it, ingest it, process it...

So.. I came across this on my daily troll of

and now I am obsessed. Then I found out he was even on The Colbert Report:

I mention this all to Michael, who promptly says something to the effect of that would be like living in ___________ (insert your own "Other Side of the tracks" location, for me that would be Pueblo, or maybe even Canon City). I'm not sure why though this doesn't bother me. It excites me.

Maybe because it's a microcosmic version of the state of the nation, and I want to contribute to what can be, and not what was.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Welcome to the Precipice...of possibility!

I can't recall the exact moment I decided it would be... but once it was there I couldn't deny it. I opened my big mouth and said to Michael... "Let's move... as in Lets move back east." Knowing full well he had been ready to move back east for years. and when he asked our teenager, "What would you say if we told you we were moving to Pittsburgh?" and she said, "let's roll"...

I knew... we were leaping and there was no looking back.

first things first

learning to speak the language: