the end of an era...

11:59 PM, December 31,1999: I can still hear the sounds of the Pacific Ocean washing up on the beach ... I can taste the salt coming in on the breeze, and hear the old cabin creaking under the weight of the stories lived within it's walls...

10 years since:

• I've had seven addresses: five of them within 10 miles of each other.... the last one being the longest I've ever lived anywhere ever in my whole entire life and in turn being over 2500+ miles away from the one I have now.
• 4 jobs: two in Software (it was Seattle after all); 2 health related (-care software, then public-); 2 were less then a year; and the other two went on for several years... each one has left an indelible mark on my life... Some of my nearest and dearest friends came out of three of them. The only thing good about the fourth was I was home for nearly three months of it doing nothing and getting paid absurd amounts of money for doing nothing, the other three I spent traveling internationally from Seattle to London to Vancouver, back and round again a few times.
• My daughter has gone from a lil' bean entering Kindergarten to a young woman with self awareness, compassion, and amazing talent. I have loved her, loathed her, needed her, rejected her, lost her, found her and she has survived it all. I hope in the next 10 years I can mostly love her, understand her, be grateful for her, respect her, but most importantly let her go out into the world knowing I helped create the foundation on which she will build her dreams.
• a very unlikely tall glass of something warm and smooth (aka my man) has stood by my side through all that and more: losing loved ones too soon; celebrating unions with friends and having them celebrate our union with us; together watched as the the world forever changed on 9/11 and clung to the innocence slipping from our child's life in that moment; did our best to soothe each other's suffering; continued to travel and drop each other off and picked each other up from the airport more times then I can count; road tripped North, South, East, and West more than once or even twice; lost two cars to motor vehicle accidents (IE. NOT fender benders) and have managed to survive them with all limbs intact; adopted our furry faced baby, yes, the dog, and raised our little puppy to be an unmanageable ball of cuteness; we have even come close to walking away, but somehow have ALWAYS found our way back; and at the end of it all we will fall asleep tonight and wake up in a new year and new decade with a love for one another like very few people are lucky enough to know!

I can't imagine what the next 10 years will hold, but I also can't imagine beginning them from any other vantage point... I have the love of my life by my side, I start a new job at the beginning of January, and I become a student of higher learning (for the first time in 17 years I've been in a classroom for my own education) at the end of January. I will look fear in the face and be the best I can be for me, so that my daughter might see that she too can be the best that she can be. And while I may have lost sight of that shore on the West Coast, there are new shores waiting to be discovered...

for all I hope you FEEL joy, HAVE health, and KNOW peace~ tirz

Spending the holidays with family

My In-Laws, aka. Nana and Pappy.

The youngest of the human children, Bob,

and the youngest of the pet children, Callie.

Two Brothers

Nana and Pappy's furry children: L to R: Sam, Dominique, and "Little" Poppy.

Huntyr, Aunt Cil, and Michael.

Uncle Izzy and I.

(L to R) My Husband's Great Aunt's son-in-law's Mother,

My Husband's Great Aunt Cil, and Gladys (in the blue).

My Mom and Me on Christmas morning.

My mom the baker, and my uncle who is trying

to impress his big sister with all the bread he baked;

also Trudy's youngest daughter and youngest son.

My Uncle's teenagers and My teenager,

I think that makes them second cousins.

These two were born approximatly 6 months apart.

Huntyr and, Max.

Huntyr and Michael have a bonding moment at my Uncle's house.

Pictures with Gramie before she leaves to go back to Maine.

I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort where we overlap. Ani Difranco

I have come to realize of late... that if Forbes had a list for people whose wealth was measured in sincere friendships I would most certainly be in the top 100. That isn't to say that I have the most friends in the world; but the friends I do have, well.... they are just too amazing for words. How I ever got so lucky I will never know.

silent night

I'm not quite sure what to do with the quiet. It is sooooo quiet here.

Our neighborhood in Seattle was no New York street scene, but we lived close enough to two fairly busy roads that after awhile you become accustomed to it enough that you need noise to sleep. Me... I also need noise to tune out of my own head. There is no noise here. NONE, zip, nadda. There really isn't even much noise during the day, other then my own dog barking or the kid downstairs sewing, or the occasional Volunteer Fire Department Alarm.

This is a problem for me... I already have problems in my head... over thinking, analyzing, mulling, whatever you want to call it I overdo it. Noise is good, it's distracting. It helps me focus. I was one of those kids who needed to have the radio or tv on to study. I need to tune something out in order to tune in or even just to tune out.

I remember when I got back from Maine after picking HFG up from my mom's. I thought I was going to go insane lying there in bed hearing nothing except the "What if's..." in my head. My mom lives in downtown Portland, Maine; and although the street lights start blinking at 9:00pm on a Friday night as if there is nothing going on... trust me there is more going on there then there is here... because I literally got back here to our house and felt like I was in a black hole. It was/is so DAMN quiet. Camping in the middle of the Northern Cascades is noiser then my cul de sac.

Six months in and I am not used to this... If I get even four hours of sleep and something wakes me up... well forget about it, I am awake. Because... the thoughts in my head are LOUD, the mulling over this and that is like a full sized orchestra and we are no where near intermission...