Saturday, December 12, 2009

silent night

I'm not quite sure what to do with the quiet. It is sooooo quiet here.
Our neighborhood in Seattle was no New York street scene, but we lived close enough to two fairly busy roads that after awhile you become accustomed to it enough that you need noise to sleep. Me... I also need noise to tune out of my own head. There is no noise here. NONE, zip, nadda. There really isn't even much noise during the day, other then my own dog barking or the kid downstairs sewing, or the occasional Volunteer Fire Department Alarm.
This is a problem for me... I already have problems in my head... over thinking, analyzing, mulling, whatever you want to call it I overdo it. Noise is good, it's distracting. It helps me focus. I was one of those kids who needed to have the radio or tv on to study. I need to tune something out in order to tune in or even just to tune out.
I remember when I got back from Maine after picking HFG up from my mom's. I thought I was going to go insane lying there in bed hearing nothing except the "What if's..." in my head. My mom lives in downtown Portland, Maine; and although the street lights start blinking at 9:00pm on a Friday night as if there is nothing going on... trust me there is more going on there then there is here... because I literally got back here to our house and felt like I was in a black hole. It was/is so DAMN quiet. Camping in the middle of the Northern Cascades is noiser then my cul de sac.
Six months in and I am not used to this... If I get even four hours of sleep and something wakes me up... well forget about it, I am awake. Because... the thoughts in my head are LOUD, the mulling over this and that is like a full sized orchestra and we are no where near intermission...

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