digging out...

After a few weeks of settling into a routine post-holiday chaos I started a new job. Two weeks later I started school and ummm... considering how much change we've adjusted to in the last six months... honestly I was exhausted.

I really love my new job, I can't say enough good things about it. I couldn't even compare it to my last job in any way, because in nearly every way the new job is fabulous and the previous one was not at all. But it is a new job and it has it's learning curve.

And school... although I am not exactly fond of the subject, Arithmetic Fundamentals; I am exceptionally fond of my teacher, Mr. O. Mr O has been teaching since before my mom was born. He doesn't have a gigundo wrinkle down the middle of his forehead, no he calls it "his dimple"... I am grateful for this opportunity and experience, and it is wearing me out.

So here I am adjusting to all of that, and still trying to do all the things I did before, being a mom and a wife, having a dog, grocery shopping, laundry, mail, sleeping... and out of nowhere (and I mean NO WHERE)... Western Pennsylvania and the Mid-Atlantic is WALLOPED by the "4th largest snow storm on record in ALL the years that they have been keeping a record of snow storms. No freaking joke... I went to bed on Friday nite (Feb. 5th) with the little shiny flurries beginning to fall, and woke up the next morning with easily a foot of snow outside my front door, which was after the snow had started to stick. Within the next 48 hours Pittsburgh was under a 36" blanket of snow (in some parts). We lost power sometime late Friday nite, until the crazy eyes on our Wii remote controller charger woke me up around 5:30 Sunday morning. We cooked food on the camping stove, and listened to the Pen's game on the radio, then spent Saturday night downstairs so that we could be in front of the fireplace (always a fantastic feature in any home).

It was fun, sort of. Obviously we were overjoyed to have the electricity back on for at least one of the days we were home, there were chores that needing to be done after all. Unfortunately we were also unable to go anywhere, there would be no plowing our street for a few days. Thanks to the large evergreen tree attempting to mate with some wires and a telephone pole at the wrong end of our cul-de-sac.

HFG who had gone for a sleep-over down the street on Friday nite, finally made her way home on Sunday afternoon (that house had not lost power) to happily find no school on Monday. Ultimately I hadn't needed to contact my manger earlier on Sunday to notify her of my inability to leave my house on Monday, since in an unprecedented move work was closed for three days! The city was in total chaos, obviously we weren't the only ones with power out and snow filled streets in the area.

So although I didn't have school or work... I found it hard to resist the urge to hibernate, unless I was out shoveling out a path for the dog.

Several things I've said to describe the experience of being stranded in your own home during severe winter weather include:

• It's like having an avalanche envelop an entire metropolitan area.


• A few times I've experienced disorienting snow blindness.


• Didn't you just shovel five minutes ago?


• Didn't I just shovel five minutes ago?
  
• Oh, is it snowing? I hadn't noticed because it just blends with the rest of the mile high snow piles.

So here we are nearly two weeks into some sort of snow flurry activity (either because it was actually falling from the sky, or the high winds were just blowing it around); and they are predicting measurable snow precipitation for the next week at least.

me + shovel = constant companions.

disconnectedly connected

Recently my mom sent me an article about undivided attention vs. on-line attention (especially as it pertains to parenting and the younger generations). Shortly thereafter I had some experiences both online and off that were reflective of the points made in the article.

The thing is I will admit to being a bit of a computer junkie, with a focus on being on-line: Flickr, Facebook, Blogging, emailing, news, woot, chatting. Interestingly enough, two of the people I do connect with through the aforementioned mechanisms is my mother (she did email me an article I am blogging about), as well as my daughter (Facebook a little, email, chat some, blogging occasionally). I started to worry about my ability to connect with others and listen to them... and consciously listen...

In the past week on several occasions during my bus commute I was sitting next to someone who by all appearances wouldn't have much of anything in common with me... but in fact after engaging with them I inevitably found something we could both understand: an emotion, a place, a perception. And these commonalities weren't just your average everyday sort of commonalities, but themes that have run deep through out my life. It was fulfilling, and serendipitous to say the least.

Concurrently there have been some instances where someone thought we had a connection and we don't, both on-line and off. These moments were fraught with anxiety.

I think I've processed the uncomfortable moments and made peace with them; but those moments that were good, and powerful... those are the connections I am going to continue to plug into: on-line and off.

six months in....

that's good, cause I live here now.
Originally uploaded by foto fledgling

I can say there are some things I may have done differently if I had been given the choice; but everything happens for a reason.

I would have gladly gone without the last three months professionaly; but it is what it is and I will acknowledge I learned a thing or two through that experience. Now though, I am going to get back on track and begin the business of doing what I said I wanted to do; working back at the University of Pittsburgh will help out with that.

I would not change where we live, I am still happy with our living quarters. Other than no garage, it's durn near perfect. for now anyways. I am looking forward to spring... I am pretty sure there will be lots of chirping in the trees all around.

HFG continues to do as well if not better then any 14 1/2 yr. old I've ever known; who was ripped from their life and everything they've mostly ever known.

The huz is who he always is... the rock; with mad skillz in the kitchen. Thank heavens for him.

The dog still loves the yard, and is happy as ever.

As much as I am trying to be in the moment, I admit to wondering what the next six months will be like.... and where we will be on the one year anniversary of arriving home.

purpose

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.” William Shedd

the end of an era...

11:59 PM, December 31,1999: I can still hear the sounds of the Pacific Ocean washing up on the beach ... I can taste the salt coming in on the breeze, and hear the old cabin creaking under the weight of the stories lived within it's walls...

10 years since:

• I've had seven addresses: five of them within 10 miles of each other.... the last one being the longest I've ever lived anywhere ever in my whole entire life and in turn being over 2500+ miles away from the one I have now.
• 4 jobs: two in Software (it was Seattle after all); 2 health related (-care software, then public-); 2 were less then a year; and the other two went on for several years... each one has left an indelible mark on my life... Some of my nearest and dearest friends came out of three of them. The only thing good about the fourth was I was home for nearly three months of it doing nothing and getting paid absurd amounts of money for doing nothing, the other three I spent traveling internationally from Seattle to London to Vancouver, back and round again a few times.
• My daughter has gone from a lil' bean entering Kindergarten to a young woman with self awareness, compassion, and amazing talent. I have loved her, loathed her, needed her, rejected her, lost her, found her and she has survived it all. I hope in the next 10 years I can mostly love her, understand her, be grateful for her, respect her, but most importantly let her go out into the world knowing I helped create the foundation on which she will build her dreams.
• a very unlikely tall glass of something warm and smooth (aka my man) has stood by my side through all that and more: losing loved ones too soon; celebrating unions with friends and having them celebrate our union with us; together watched as the the world forever changed on 9/11 and clung to the innocence slipping from our child's life in that moment; did our best to soothe each other's suffering; continued to travel and drop each other off and picked each other up from the airport more times then I can count; road tripped North, South, East, and West more than once or even twice; lost two cars to motor vehicle accidents (IE. NOT fender benders) and have managed to survive them with all limbs intact; adopted our furry faced baby, yes, the dog, and raised our little puppy to be an unmanageable ball of cuteness; we have even come close to walking away, but somehow have ALWAYS found our way back; and at the end of it all we will fall asleep tonight and wake up in a new year and new decade with a love for one another like very few people are lucky enough to know!

I can't imagine what the next 10 years will hold, but I also can't imagine beginning them from any other vantage point... I have the love of my life by my side, I start a new job at the beginning of January, and I become a student of higher learning (for the first time in 17 years I've been in a classroom for my own education) at the end of January. I will look fear in the face and be the best I can be for me, so that my daughter might see that she too can be the best that she can be. And while I may have lost sight of that shore on the West Coast, there are new shores waiting to be discovered...

for all I hope you FEEL joy, HAVE health, and KNOW peace~ tirz